Hair today gone tomorrow

My last column in the TC News. I have never been good with goodbyes.


Spellbound, all I could do was stare intently at the screen.

The hair (short in the front, long in the back) had completely captured my attention. I knew the man was talking, but for a solid hour – I heard nothing.

The lights came on and my trance was broken. I spent the rest of the day trying to "look past" the hair and remember the real reason I was watching the educational biography.

I wish this was an isolated incident, but it seems like every time one of my teachers decides to play a movie, I get caught up in the "mullet moment" and can no longer remember what the movie was about.

It seems rather unfair that my education is being neglected because of 80's hairstyles. I can only hope that information being retained by my subconscious will materialize on test day.

Next semester, I will be transferring to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />University of Texas at Arlington and will probably no longer be subjected to "mullet movies". I have to say that I will probably miss that and the TC News the most.

Using this paper as a medium, I have been able to express myself, allow people to share some of my most intimate moments, and laugh at my embarrassing shenanigans (ie: blind dates, being kissed by a vampire, and a glimpse into what it is like to be 5 feet 11 inches and dating a short guy).

When I first started Texarkana College, I was a home school kid unsure at the thought of attending class with actual people. Now because of my years spent at TC, I feel prepared for the bigger classrooms and harder class load.

I have grown close to all of my professors and will miss the almost family I have at TC. They inspired me to write and encouraged me to continue my education. They even summarized the DVD's I watched so I didn't fail when I became hypnotized with the narrator's hair.

As Editor and Chief of the TC News, I am proud of my staff, and would gladly serve with them at any paper. They are an awesome group of writers. Together they form a well oiled machine that with the exception of an occasional kink is an award winning group of journalist. I know I am leaving it in good hands.

I owe my confidence and knowledge to my advisors: Jean Cotton, Charles Sinclair, and especially the advice of Tina Shelby. If it hadn't been for the awesome journalism professor's at TC, I would never have changed my major.

I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I will always look fondly back at the years I spent at TC.

Fievel Update

After a lengthy courtship... Fievel proposed, only to stand me up at the alter. Apparently my taste for short has run over to mice- asFievel can travel between the threshold of our dorm room door which is less than an inch tall. My precious Fievel is lacking in self confidence and that makes him unique as most handsome guys are arrogant and conceited.

Tonight, I was sitting in bed studying my boring, mundane A&P when I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye scamper across the floor.Convenced that it was nothing, I got up to check our mouse traps only to find that Fievel had flirted with the one under DeAnna's bed. Still not sure if my precious Fievel was in the room, I got into bed only to look down to see two beedy eyes looking up at me. At that point we both scared each other and he ran out of the room. Something must have scared him in the hall because he ran right back in . So now I am waiting for him to decide to go out again so I can plug the threshold with a towel. Thus ending our engagement.

Sad, because he was so cute. At least it was real while it lasted.

I wonder if our mouse is Russian...

I wonder if our mouse is Russian?

Okay, I can't hold it in any longer... Bear with the insanity.... I am forewarning you now - each new paragraph is a completely separate thought.

Today was a 100% Cotten day. It was my advisor Mrs Cotten's birthday. Thanks to the genius of Dustyn, we bought t-shirts that said 100% Cotten on the front and TC News staff on the back.

At least one of my lab partners should never be allowed to dissect a male fetal pig alone. In a slice-happy moment she as she said, "bobbed" him. Poor Wilbur - I still think of him as a man. Makes me wonder if there is underlying male problems in the group. Why the hatred? JK

Was just watching Inside Edition - there is a sugardaddyforme.com. Their line is, "We are a Sugar Daddy Matchmaking Service with the goal to bring together successful, rich men [Sugar Daddy] and attractive women who love to be pampered, spoiled and supported." Not sure how I feel about that. I mean on one hand I think it is hysterical that there are people stupid enough to participate, but on the other hand - EWWWWWW. I know people that could eventually end up on that site. SCARY! Oh, the educational experience Inside Edition provides! I can't handle all the smarts I get from TV.

My roommate and I have recently experienced some mouse problems. Anyone who knows us, knows we feed off each others cleanliness. We are almost anal about it. Anttyway, I came home last week after dog sitting for a week and a half to find mouse droppings in my bed. We have since put out sticky traps and are expecting to hear a death squeal anytime now (either from me or the mouse). I might lose every bit of my vocal cords if that fuzzy Fievel runs across my face.

College is stifling my imagination. I don't have the time to write and I HATE it. I am spending so much time writing papers and for the paper that I don't have time to express those deep dark mouse killing thoughts.

I can't remember the difference between interstitial and intrastitial for the life of me.

Now that I got all that out, I have to go study for a Anatomy and Physiology test. I feel better even though it is no where near my normal post. haha

Bashin' the Passion

Old column....

Recently, I learned about a growing fad in colleges nationwide. My friend told me about it, and frankly it was a little surprising not to mention disturbing.
It seems, college students around the country are now renting Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ and making fun of it. Parties are being thrown with no other purpose than to bash this film.
Even the popular television series, Gilmore Girls, recently made a reference to partaking in this growing craze.
My first thought was, “Watch out for lightening.” What on earth would posses these individuals to do something so incredibly sadistic and cruel?
Has our society become so heartless they could make fun of an innocent man being killed?
This growing fad sends an unsettling message. Its insensitivity almost rivals starving an innocent comatose woman so her husband could marry his mistress with whom he had several children.
My second thought though was the hilarity of the whole situation. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference.
If they truly wanted to take a stand against The Passion of the Christ, they should not have rented it. As it stands they are watching it, and they will not be unaffected by its message.
The bible says, “ So shall My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11. (NAS)
I hope everyone watches The Passion of the Christ. If certain individuals feel they have to make fun of it, so be it.
The movie is being watched by students who would probably never go see it under any other pretense.
“What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed; and in this I rejoice, yes, and I will rejoice.” Phil 1:18
I wonder who will have the last laugh on this matter.

Peter...

Still another column from the TC News.

The Bible is full of the God of the universe hand-picking weak vessels to do His bidding.
Jesus’ own disciples loved Him with their whole heart and yet fell short numerous times. The worst and best of these was Peter.
Peter was impetuous, zealous, obnoxious and pushy. His actions were rarely considered acceptable for the position he held in God’s kingdom and yet God loved him despite his weakness because the motive of his heart was right.
Peter was the only disciple that walked on water. He was with Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration when Elijah and Moses appeared, and he was the first of the disciples to get the revelation that Jesus was the son of God.
Because he was the first one to understand who Jesus was, Jesus said in Matthew 16: 17-18 (NAS), “And Jesus answered and said to him, ‘Blessed are you, Simon Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church and the gates of Hades shall not overpower it.’”
Out of all the disciples of Jesus, I relate most to Peter. Like Peter, in my zealousness, I try to do things in my own strength and timing. I probably would have denied my Lord after the cock crowed the first time. I am human and just because I profess to be a Christian does not mean I am capable of doing anything right. I am constantly falling short and succumbing to stupidity. Because of my weakness, my life in the past has seemed hopeless at times.
Then I encountered Him.
I experienced a vision of His love for me and have not been the same since. He looked at me as though He was completely and hopelessly in love with me. Everything in me screamed, “Don’t look at me like that. I am unworthy and will only break Your heart.” But His gaze was unfailing.
I don’t deserve the unconditional love and forgiveness He showers me with, but that doesn’t stop Him. I still fail miserably at times and probably always will, but like Peter, I have learned that while man looks at the actions, God looks at the heart.
Thank God, for grace – undeserved, unmerited favor.

Another one bites the dust...

Another column I wrote for the TC News:

I said I would never go on another one. I made my friends promise to slap me upside the head if I even considered it – and yet, here I was.
Having been on three, I feel I can confidently say going on a blind date is the bane of my existence.
I like to think of myself as being open and spontaneous but enough is enough.
I have found that typically it is not the guy's fault that the date is less then ideal. The blame lies rather in throwing two people in the same room that have never even seen a picture of each other and expecting them to survive a night together under the guise of a date. Add to that the moments leading up to the date, and you have a train wreck. Take for instance my last date:
A while back, a well-meaning, beloved friend asked me to consider going out with her best friend's son. Of course, she thought we would be perfect for each other.
I wonder, what makes everyone think that when you are single, that they know beyond a shadow of doubt the ideal match for you.
Because I live in the middle of nowhere and my house is hard to find, we decided to meet in town at 6:30. I drove into the parking lot at around 6:25 and it wasn't long before a pick-up drove up and parked next to me. The truck revved up its motor and the guy peered out at me. My first thoughts were, "Nope, not happening. I am just going to go over there and tell him my acid reflux is flaring up and I left my medicine at home."
I slowly got out of my car savoring every minute of my freedom and walked over to the truck. I quickly glanced in the back of the truck for serial killer favorites that might be detrimental to my health: knives, saws or the infamous chainsaw.
As I opened the door, the guy gave me a quick look over and then said, "Hi."
I remember thinking, "Gosh, could this get any more awkward?"
Often times when things seem to be at their most awkward, they are just heating up. Noticing the perplexed look on his face, it suddenly dawned on me that he might not be my date.
Both horrified and slightly relieved, I asked him his name only to find out that he indeed was not my date, but an innocent bystander to the demise of my last ounce of pride and dignity.
I mumbled "Nice to meet you, I am sorry but I am meeting someone and don't know a thing about him," and stumbled off to my car to hide in shame until my real date appeared.
There are no future blind dates in the works for me, but obviously, overlooking important questions such as a general description and exactly what he drives will never happen again.
Another one bites the dust…

Random Thoughts

I have a few quick thoughts I want to get out:

Hunting without killing is also known as camping or hiking, and I hate camping. (That goes for all you crazy ghost hunters).

Dogsitting is like babysitting except the dog is more mobile.

Writing essays glorifying oneself - sucks...

Selfishness just might be an incurable disease.

I will never again doubt the power of a full moon.

As evidenced by the complete strangers that have walked up to me, I am so glad my last column for the TC News amused ya'll so.

Halloween sound tracks eerily mimick all the noises going on outside the dorms on any given night.

This goes without saying - don't use the dorm elevator.

Tall girls don't sweat the short stuff

Column for the TC News:

Just so we are straight, I don’t believe that men are beneath me—they just are.
Most of my guy friends are shorter than me, but then again, I am 5’11”.
It would probably go over better if I dressed differently, but I actually have more high heels in my closet than I own socks.
When you are as tall as I am, it is physically impossible to have size 6 feet; and any size bigger looks like two pontoons sticking out from underneath my jeans.
Dating a shorter guy is also quite interesting. A friend once told me that guys are really only insecure about three things: their hair, height and I will leave the third for your imagination.
So far, I have found this statement to be true. I mean think about it – if you comment about a guy’s beer gut, typically he just shrugs it off; but if you say anything about his hair, a look of horror will cross his face as he runs to the nearest mirror. There is no greater insult than talking about “the hair”.
Shorter guys make for amusing “romantic” situations. One has to ask the question “To sit? or Not to sit?” for some of the oddest things. Taking pictures, dancing and deep, heartfelt, eye to eye conversations present monumental challenges.
There are many short attractive guys. Unfortunately, platform shoes went out in the 70’s and there is no cure for shortness. I find it ironic that there are pills for depression, “bulking” up and to lose unwanted pounds; and yet there is nothing for short-man syndrome.
It is not as if I can change the fact that I am so tall. It seems like some of these guys actually expect me to fix this problem. I can understand undergoing surgery for having a massive snout but being tall…?
I encourage all you freakishly tall girls out there to stand proud. Wear those three-inch heels. After all, really and truly, is a couple of inches going to matter? You are already towering over most of those poor boys. If you are going to stand out, you might as well be stunningly amazing in flaming hot stilettos.
And for those die-hard “I have to date a guy taller than me” girls, I suggest you move to a city with a great basketball team and practice your splits and toe touches.

IHOP

Old column... once again - are you getting tired yet:


“Elijah was a man with a nature like ours and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the land for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit.”
James 5:17-18
During the Christmas vacation, I went on a road trip to what seemed the most unlikely place for a Christian conference.
If you were to draw an “X” across the United States, the state of Kansas would be dead center. So logically, Kansas City would be the perfect place to house a conference on prayer. One Thing or Nothing was hosted by the International House of Prayer whose target audience is the so called generation “x”.
I had never heard of IHOP (yes, that is what they call it) before I was invited to go up there and was surprised as to the nature of this organization. IHOP devotes itself to 24 hours a day of prayer. It has a prayer room which at any given point of the day not only has people praying but also a worship team.
While the world sleeps, there are many people praying in the IHOP prayer room.
When I first got up there, this concept seemed foreign to me. I was a great advocate of the five to seven minute prayers. Confess my sin, ask him to fix my problem and then I was good to go for the day.
How was it even possible that people devoted hours and hours of their time to prayer? What on earth did they talk about for all that time? Was there something I was missing out on?
During the One Thing conference, I learned prayer is not just about confessing your sins or telling your problems to the Most High. It is also about meditation, intercession, praise and setting aside more than five to seven minutes to actually wait in His presence and listen to Him answer.
As much as I was willing to put in, He pours out. He longs for a relationship with me. Now, I will be honest; there are days where I pray, God speaks and it feels like heaven and earth just moved. While other days it seems like I am talking to the wind.
The key to a relationship with Jesus Christ is persistence.
I am convinced that the only reason our country hasn’t seen judgment is because of the little old women in prayer closets and places like IHOP. We aren’t ready, the church isn’t ready.
I am of the firm belief that Christians can be divided into two groups—those who have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and those who don’t.
Most people will try to divide Christians into groups such as Baptist, Methodist, Catholics, Presbyterian, and Non-Denominational but in reality, there are only two groups.
In the end, when I stand before my God will I say to him, “ Hello, remember me… I’m Abigail, I go to that non-denominational church down the street.” No, He will know me and I will know Him because I have spent time with Him.

The accident

This is a letter to the editor and column that I plan to publish.

When I close my eyes, I still see the scene just as it was that night.

The sixteen year old arm that was as skinny as mine – hanging out of a barely recognizable SUV.

When my parents arrived home deliriously tired around 12:15 a.m. from a business trip, their first question was “How recent was the car wreck down the road?” Replying that it had to have been in the last couple of hours – my dad, brother, and I all piled into the truck to check the damage.

When we arrived on the scene, I didn’t expect survivors. As we drove up, I first thought we were dealing with a pick-up truck. After checking the front seat and the passenger seat – I was relieved to find no bodies. That relief was short lived.

As I shined a flash light around the back of the car, I saw an arm sticking out. My father immediately called 911.

My brother had gone up the road to turn around, and he returned with the SUV’S driver. I spent my time trying to figure out who he was and how many people were involved. Alcohol permeated the air.

By the time I extracted the information from the victim, my brother had found the third person. In shock, this man couldn’t be reasoned with and kept asking “What happened?” I tried to explain to him that I needed him to stay seated until the police arrived but he broke free from me and ran into the woods. Mumbling, “I just need to know what happened”.

I went back to the driver and continued my conversation. He became rather upset I tried to comfort him, and keep him talking. I asked him if he knew Jesus. When he replied he did and moaned about the boy, I told him to pray. He kept saying over and over that he couldn’t think. Everything was muddled.

About this time the paramedics arrived, their quick response amazed me as we live out in the middle of no where.

I spent the rest of the night listening to the Jaws of Life and four- wheelers chasing up and down the road in search of the third man.

Red River County might be dry but it has a serious problem. I can’t tell you how many stories I hear from my friends of a drunk driver affecting their lives and in the same breath talking about the next party they plan on attending.

Nobody is safe from the far reaching affects of drunk driving. It can happen to anyone. Life is short…

In this situation, I think we are all victims -the driver, the family, my family and the paramedics to something that is senseless and should never have happened. How many more innocent lives are never going to get the chance to grow old before we change…

Mozart

I am so ready for my parents to come home and deal with their children.

Last night my brother came into my room with a deranged look, every rather long hair on his head standing on end. Spouting off that he was going to be a composer.

His exact words where, "One time inspiration hit and I spent 9 hours straight composing. I didn't even get up to go the the bathroom choosing instead to urinate all over myself."

Needless to say - I no longer think he is feeling sick...

Meanwhile, my sister was singing at the top of her lungs songs from the Phantom of the Opera.

In sleep he sang to me.
In dreams he came.

Thank goodness, this is the last day. I wasn't all that sane before my parents left - Now I am border-line ready to committed.

What raging fire shall flood the soul
What rich desire unlocks it's door

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime....


I myself, can't wait for their return...

I found this quote and agree with it whole-heartedly.

"My crazy isn't contagious- it is just increasingly difficult to contain."

The disaster

Fine, so now I am 2 for 10. I suppose this is the part of my blog that I reveal to the world what an utter disaster I made out of supper. Might as well get it over with early. I had lofty plans for lunch today. I was going to cook something I had watched my mom do a million times but had never done myself. Sounds easy enough?



Not so much.



The only thing that made it worse was the look my brother gave me. I am sure by now his boss thinks I am trying to poison the child. But enough about that. I admitted it didn't I? I mean I don't plan on dwelling on the fact that I wasn't able to prove I was a good cook.



Tomorrow, my parents return and order will be restored to the house. No more staying up until 3 o'clock in the morning, watching re-runs of every show known to man, bathing the dog with mom's good shampoo, and drinking all her good coffee.....

NO SIRREE--- there will be structure.

Rinse and Repeat

It is amazing how much of my "quality" thinking is done in the shower. Seems like every true epiphany that I experience happens somewhere in between applying the conditioning revitalizer and shaving my legs. Truly I can't think of any other place that causes me to come up with solutions to all the worlds problems - as well as my own. Craziness.

As I afore mentioned in my JOSEY WHALES blog (sorry, to those that took offense to my misspelled title). I am taking care of the farm and all who dwell within. Because of this added responsibility, I have suffered various injuries - the worst being to my pride. My dearest pain in the butt brother happened to have the makings of strep throat. (NO, I AM NOT SURE THAT IS HOW IT IS SPELLED). And I was sick of being screamed at (he isn't normally like that but apparently the pain was to intense. pshaw WHATEVER. Finally after putting up with all I could handle I told him to heck with it - we are going to a doctor. I called my mom in Rome and asked her where I should go and then made the necessary arrangements.

Okay, so keep up with me, that part was the boring part but we are about to get to the Abigail being offended to the very core of her Southern Woman Pride.

As we where driving home from the doctor (keep in mind the whole time he was sick- I took care of him, did his chores as well as mine, and cooked him wonderful meals), his boss texts him. One of the days he was at work, I decided to experiment with a vegetable stew. It would have been really wonderful except I went a little excessive and there was one more ingredient in there than I would have liked. Still - all in all... It was decent and my sister apparently liked it because she ate several bowls. But needless to say his boss texts him.... And says.

"I am glad the doctor doesn't think it was serious. You should get your sister to make you a bowl of that favorite soup of yours;)"

He didn't mention to his boss that I had made him steak the night, or his favorite meal the night before that .... NO, He had to tell his boss that I made a soup that sucked.

As soon as I get my camera back I plan on posting some of the happinings that took place while I had the reigns.


~A

The outlaw

I refuse to watch to watch the Outlaw Josie Wells one more time. This is what my life has come to... Currently, I am managing two households, 16 cows, two siblings, 8 dogs, one cat, buying shirts for my grandmother, and taking care of my grandfather.

My parents are out of the country and I am stuck in Red River County until their return. My grandmother is in rehab, my mom in Rome, and my dad is in Pakistan.

Okay, so let me try to explain this in a way that sounds semi-understandable. My dad is a engineer and has created a controller for the people he worked with. Pakistan bought it but instead of sending someone to figure out how to work it my dad has to go over there. The catch is my dad doesn't travel without my mother. And she won't wear a berka (sp). So my mom is waiting for him in Rome while touring the city. (Yes, it is hard to forgive my mother for leaving me here but that is what therapy and getting a new passport is for).

My grandmother is in rehab (not for getting over an addiction but for the broken shoulder and foot she too stubbornly won't allow to get well). My grandfather can't do anything on his own so I have been cooking supper for him as well. My grandfather doesn't know a better western than Outlaw Josie Wells and that is all he wants to watch. I have never really had a chance to interact with my grandfather as my grandmother has always interrupted our conversation and so I am learning a lot.

My brother is in the hay business and unfortunately, isn't allowed to drive while my parents are out of town so that means I get to be the lucky person to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to make sure he gets off. But heck, he is paying me so - I can't complain to much (So I saw an opportunity and took it - sue me)

And then there is the baby, my mom's dog who has to have better treatment then her children. I am supposed to watch him and coddle him, and bath him - often. Sadly enough my mom has been trying for weeks to teach him how to roll and last night (when she wasn't there) he rolled twice. I doubt he will do it again, I get the distinct impression he doesn't want to be a trick dog.
All that being said and really and truly no sarcasm involved this week hasn't been all that bad. Crazy, but not bad. And tommorow we are having steak (haha, my mom is always trying to get me to cook and once told me she didn't believe I could [She was just trying to rile me into doing it. I have been cooking since I was eight and can cook everything she can just as good as she can] but I have to say we have been eating like royalty since she has been gone)

Wish me well (I haven't thought about that in forever despite the fact I still wear my watch) ,

Abigail

History Repeating

I now have enough material for my sequel "Porn 2"... (Ross eat your heart out - this one is all about personal experience so DUH it will be biased).

As I have mentioned before, I work at a library and see lots of different people from all walks of life. Nothing prepared me though for what happened the other day. This kind older (60ish) man walked into the library and asked if he could use the internet. He mentioned that he wasn't internet savvy and probably would need some help. Since we have people come in all the time to set up their "My circle" phones that are internet illiterate I really didn't think anything of it and when he asked again - I walked over there to help him.

I noticed as I started to get on the internet he was stammered and his face was blushing RED FLAG!!!! He started off talking about how this was rather embarrassing but he had just met a lady friend. RED FLAG!!!! And he was wondering if I could look up a 1980 playmate. Apparently this new lady in his life had told him that he could look her up on the internet and check out former pictures of her. I just looked at him and kindly said "Ummm NO!!!" "That would be porn". He looked shocked and said "really". And his face turned brighter red. I said "Absolutely".

He milled around the library for a little while longer and then as he was walking out the door looked at me and said "I'm not like that- I didn't know."

I have been asked several times if I thought this man was genuine. I haven't the slightest idea nor do I care.All I do know is - if I posed for playboy i think I would have a spare copy lying around (just a thought). Also if I was going to look up porn I probably would figure out how to do it by myself or at least in the comfort of my own home. AND NEVER EVER would I ask a librarian (much less a girl) to assist me. It was a rather awkward moment for me but what can I say - it isn't the first or the last time (I'm sure) that porn will single me out; )

I despise...

For some reason I feel compelled to write a list of things I hate.

1) people that say they care and then prove by their actions that they don't.

2) awkward silences

3) ladders

4) lousy pick up lines

5)snakes, spiders and grasshoppers

6) blow drying my hair

7) the smell of smoke

8) obnoxious slutty people

9) losing my voice

10) umbrellas

La neige au Sahara

Dis-moi simplement si tu veux de moi
Quand tu partiras là-bas
Vers ces dunes sèches de sable et de vent
Cet océan jaune et blanc

Perdu dans le désert
Tu es perdu dans le désert

Montre-moi ma place sur ces pierres flammes
Pour que j'oublie les jours d'avant
Pour que je protège ton corps et ton âme
Des mirages que tu attends

Perdu dans le désert

Si la poussière emporte tes rêves de lumière
Je serai ta lune, ton repère
Et si le soleil nous brûle, je prierai qui tu voudras
Pour que tombe la neige au Sahara

Si le désert est le seul remède à tes doutes
Femme de sel, je serai ta route
Et si la soif nous brûle, je prierai tant qu'il faudra
Pour que tombe la neige au Sahara

Dis-moi si je peux couvrir tes épaules
De voiles d'or et d'argent
Quand la nuit fera tourner la boussole
Vers les regrets froids des amants

Perdu dans le désert

Si la poussière emporte tes rêves de lumière
Je serai ta lune, ton repère
Et si le soleil nous brûle, je prierai qui tu voudras
Pour que tombe la neige au Sahara

Si le désert est le seul remède à tes doutes
Femme de sel, je serai ta route
Et si la soif nous brûle, je prierai tant qu'il faudra
Pour que tombe la

The Fight is On

I am so weary. I haven't given in an inch but I haven't gained any ground either. I have been harassed and weakened. My strong foundation which has held for 6 months is now starting to feel the flames. Little things are slipping in between the cracks and causing rifts. Fear is slowly creeping in.... What if????

As tired as I am, there is still a spark of life in me. I am emotionally strained and yet there is that part of me that won't give in. I can't give in, I can't admit defeat. Is it God?? Or am I just being stubborn?? I am not fighting against God - just my circumstances. I am in a Godless place and I have the choice of either removing myself or staying and fighting. I know the truth. I have been tested and tried and I know the high path.

When it comes down to it - it is just God, me and the harassers. And yet, it doesn't have to be that way. They have to flee....

WAGING WAR
by Shane Barnard

It haunts me so
This gloomy weight
That comes and goes
Without a trace
A thousand times my flesh embrace
A thousand more but if for grace

To see the Lord, the promise land
Where in sins pearly gates look bland
And what was once a pearl now sand
That blows away in light of Him

When battle lines become unclear
And the waging war is all I hear
Sustain me with Your voice
And the choice to walk in truth
And by the Spirit

That I might see this day
This waging war might go away
And be no more
That I might see His face
And hear Him say
Son, welcome home
The war is over

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ…” (Phil 3:7-8)
Help Lord!

An Abigail Story

I ran across this in my baby journal. I laughed hard, so bear with me. My grandmother wrote this.

On Sunday, March 1,1992, Abigail went to church with her Mom and Dad in Arlington, Texas.

When the offering was being taken, one of the elders said that maybe one of the youth of the church would like to say a prayer for the offering. He asked for someone to raise their hand. -

Shannan, Abigail's mother, looked over at the section of the church where most of the young people were sitting...about that time, she heard the elder say, "Abigail, would you come up and say the prayer." Shannan looked at her five-year old daughter who was sitting with her hand raised. Abigail's father (Doug) said "Okay Abigail -go on up there; you put your hand up."

Abigail went to the front of the church ("flying" in her usual manner; Shannan hasn't been able to make her walk in church). Shannan sat there sort of in a state of shock, not knowing what this child would say -- in her nightly prayers, she is always asking God to "help Mommie be a better Mommie, and Daddy to be a better Daddy, and other things.." Shannan said she couldn't look-- just kept her head bowed the whole time.

Abigail spoke into the microphone: "God (she never says Heavenly Father - but always calls God 'God'"... I just speak a blessing over this offering today; and Lord, I just want you to help the people who don't have any money. And, Lord, help them to get some money. Amen." And after that came back and sat down with her parents.

A few days later, the Elder called Abigail to thank her and (from the conversation overheard by Shannan) must have asked her how she knew what to say. Abigail replied, "God told me what to say."

Now if that isn't typical Abigail I don't know what is.

Unconditional

There He was..... leaning against a wall. Never before had I described a guy as beautiful - but He was. Everything about Him seemed perfect.

I had just walked into a room filled with people. Noticing His gaze, I was captivated. I couldn't help but constantly sneak a look at Him. Oddly enough, He seemed to be watching me. He never took His eyes off of me. I felt curious, not creeped out. There was something about His eyes I couldn't quite understand.

I looked again, and it dawned on me. He was in love. Shocked, I drew back. Surely not, but as I looked again, I knew it was true. He was in love with me. I barely knew Him and yet.... The look in His eyes potrayed a man that was completely and hopelessly in love. All this passion was focused on me alone. The room went silent and He and I where the only two people.

I have never been perfect and yet even though He knew this - He still loved me. I was human and would fail Him once a day and twice on Sunday and He DIDN'T CARE...

I knew in my heart this person would die for me - because He had already....

Dual Identities

This summer my life has taken on dual identities (neither of which, I have ever considered myself before). Each side of the coin is as different as night and day...

During the day, I am a librarian: Hair pulled tightly back in a bun, glasses perfectly perched, dressed to a "t" in a tight slitty skirt (slitty - not to be confused with slutty), wearing a look that would "sh" the most rowdy of children. (haha, I love exageration). I find this job to be quite different from anything I have ever attempted. Just this week, I found myself checking out people reading books with a paper parrot perched on my shoulder. Later on I was cutting out skulls and crossbones and trying to explain that "Yes, my grandparents live in town. No, Steven is not my father."(The summer reading program is all about pirates and working in the small town that your grandparents live in - leads to many questions.)...

At night, I am the complete opposite: the hair comes down and is wind tossed wild, I put on a worn out pair of jeans and a tube top, and do things like mudding, raking hay, chilling, hanging out, and the occasional rodeo. I've played hard and worked harder. I have even been watching PBR with my brother and can tell you my favorite bulls. Yes, this is indeed a strange life for me.

In other news, I made a 63 off a word in scrabble - my highest score yet; ) haha...

For some reason, I think I have enjoyed this summer more than I have in quite a while.

~A

* Some of this blog might be considered "exaggerated".

Are you going to run away?

I guess I have never thought of you as being a coward.

And yet… You are running away. You know the truth, and you would rather choose the miserable life you have then choose Him. You will NEVER be happy. The things of this world will NEVER satisfy you. You have been marked – better for you that you never said the sinners’ prayer, because in doing so you gave him your life to do what He wills. He will NOT leave you alone. It will only get worse (He will do whatever it takes to get you in the place he wants you). SURRENDER…

Don’t Walk Away
And when I look into your eyes, I see the hurt and the confusion. The pain as it rolls down your face. And the questions in your mind And I know, 'cause I've been there Yes, I know, 'cause I've been there, time and time again And don't you walk, don't you walk away'Cause He will never desert you. He'll never let you down. Don't walk away from Him, no, no, no, no, no You're always telling me that you don't need to change. That you're fine with who you are. When I look at you, I see you filling your life with all that you can findHoping and wishing this world can bring you. A little peace of mind. Well, stop looking, 'cause He's right in front of your eyes'Cause He will never give up on you today. No, don't walk away'Cause He'll NEVER let you goNo, no, no, no Don't walk awayDon't walk away'Cause He'll never let you go todayDon't walk away from Him

~Shawn McDonald



“Why is everyone saying it is not the right time for rebuilding my temple,” asks the Lord. “Is it then the right time for you to live in luxurious homes, when the Temple lies in ruins? Look at the result:”

“You have sown much and bring in little;
You eat, but so not have enough;
You drink, but you are not filled;
You clothe yourselves but no one is warm;
And your income disappears as if you where putting it in a pocket full of holes.”

“Think it over,” says the Lord. “Consider how you have acted and what has happened as a result. Then go up into the mountains and bring down timber, and rebuild my temple, and I will be pleased with it and appear there in my glory. You hope for much and get so little. And when you bring it home, I blow it away – it doesn’t last at all. Why? Because my Temple lies in ruins and you don’t care. Your only concern is your own fine homes. That is why I am holding back….. and everything you have worked so hard to get is ruined.”

Haggai 1:2-11


Come Higher

Everything you see- you can have

Come Higher

It is all within your grasp

Come Higher

Fame and Fortune

Come Higher

The choice is yours

Come Higher

Just don't be deceived

Come Higher

Know exactly what you are getting yourself into

Come Higher

When I say you can have it all - I mean ALL

Come Higher

Divorce, Bankruptcy, No Peace, Torment, Despair,

Come Higher

Life is full of choices

Come Higher

You can chose everything and wind up with a mediocre life at best

Come Higher

Or you can surrender, come higher, and find life


rocks won't cry
by shane barnard

i bow down, tonight i know
the rocks won't cry, the rocks won't cry
they'll be alright, they'll be alright
because i cry!


***If you think that this blog is written about you – please believe me it isn’t. Any resemblance to a person is purely coincidental. In fact, it is something I just went through and dealt with.
Your so Vain You probably think this blog is about you

Jealous Boyfriend

For some reason "creepy" wears a mask and follows me. Yesturday, I was dropping off some movies and doing an errand for a little old lady (whom I had never met before) when this around 60 year old gentleman came up to me and asked me if I was going to the lake (okay, I will admit - I have seen hookers dressed better than I was. I was planning on helping my parents that day and so was wearing next to nothing... It was a sad sight and not one I aim to ever repeat).

After explaining to him that I planned to help my parents he asked me if I had a job and if I would be willing to work for him. He wanted me to "sit" for his mother who was about to be released from the hospital.

I had a couple more errands to run and so I handed him my cell phone number and left (after all it seemed strange and almost divine that - I needed a job and someone would walk right up to me and offer me one... Keep in mind though that no one should have even thought about hiring me with what I was wearing).

A little while later he called and started asking me questions - they seemed the normal run of the mill questions until he asked me if I had a jealous boyfriend (Pray tell, if any of you can explain that reasonably - please do). What does that have to do with sitting for your mother????????

Needless to say - I shall not be taking that job.
~A

Noxious

Things I have learned (or re-learned) thus far this year:

1) The heart has it's reasons which reason knows nothing of.

2) I understand the Phantom of the Opera and Sense and Sensability that much more.

3)When traveling - the less I know the better (aka- accountability sucks)

4) The definition of hypothermia is better learnt from a book

5) Blood tastes nasty

6)The only way to deal with pompousness is to give it a stout kick in the behind.

7) The term "friend" is apparently often misused

8)Chillbumps and mosquitoes don't co-exist

9) No more props for Abby

10) Stupidity can always be one-upped

11) On "Jonah" days it is best to keep to one's bed

12)White skirts and colorful undies do not go together... Unless one plans on REALLY making a statement.

13) Ice Cream still fixes everything

14) Sleep is essential for survival (who would have known?)

15) Wierd things happen on a 24 hour road-trip. Wierd unspeakable things. (I just might need counseling )

16) Boys are noxious

17) Soft hands are a commodity - and not to be taken lightly... Even when drunk, one should appreciate them. (Let me clarify that I wasn't the drunk one)

18) There really are people that use stupid pick-up-lines.

19) Ultimate is fun... ; )

20) Human Being and Human Doing are two different things.

Swimmers Beware

It is official - I hate swimming. I don't dislike being in the water or even treading water, but I absolutely hate swimming laps.

Last weekend I had to renew my lifeguard cert. And instead of letting me take the challenge like they normally do, they made me go through the entire course (because supposedly they changed everything). Including the pretest - in which I had to swim many laps. This wouldn't be so hard except I haven't excercised in forever and have spent the last couple of semesters behind a desk. Yes, I have gained weight - over 10 pounds and gaining (Speaking of which I probably need to cut back on the ice cream *mental note*).

I am sorry but it takes a certain kind of person to be a lifeguard and for some reason I don't understand why... I seem to end up being one of the very few brunettes (almost the only one) and acquire my tan naturally enrolled. It is strange spending a couple of days with these such girls. A very enlightening experience indeed! Getting hit on by 16 year olds is also a "fun" experience that I haven't had in a while.

I spent 5 days in a row being tortured in this renewal of my certificate. On Saturday and Sunday I was there from 8 to 8. I am burned to a crisp and quite tired of water.

The rest of my week has been filled with such frivolities as cleaning my room and car and cooking dinner for the fam. Can't wait till work starts.

~Abigail

Gracie

A long time ago in a far off place, my mom used to have a cat named Gracie. Gracie was a wonderful, beautiful, amazing cat - except for the fact that she was always up in other people's bizness(inside joke). Gracie was a firm believer in cleaning everyone else's butt, but when it came to her own it was sadly left neglected. Thus making the holding experince of Gracie less than pleasant.

My point to this narrative is I have known how to wipe my butt since I was little... I appreciate the concern. Don't get me wrong - constructive critisicm is acceptable but trying to run my life - as always, will not work.

Spring Fling

I just read Sherri's to-do list and because it seemed like a good idea (and because I had one last year) here it is:

1) Don the Bikini and get in some quality tanning time (check)

2) Run through a stranger's sprinklers without being shot.

3) Read a book (In the process, check)

4) Eat watermellon until I puke

5) Take a walk in the rain (check)

6) Go muddin'

7) Teach at least half of my "children" how to grow up (in the process, check)

9) Get back in shape

10) Have Jonathan Rhys Meyer's love child *it will be a stretch but one can always try*

11) Go canoeing.

12) One time and one time only - do something I am told...

13) Stop hitting people with cars...

14) Down-grade from hooker shoes to hoe heels.

15) Beat the devil in a fiddling contest....



~I have to say 13, 15 and 14 were contributed by Ross....


I realize that this an awfully lot to accomplish but I do have all spring.

The storm

The waves crashed around her, dragging her into the depths. Salt water stole her very breath. Fighting the waves accomplished nothing and only left her tired. Treading water she fought to keep herself afloat.

The tide ebbed and out of nowhere a man emerged from the wave. Panicked he reached for something tangible and grabbed hold of her. Down they went into the pitch black water. No longer able to keep herself from drowning- she gave up. She couldn't carry her weight and his too. Unless outside forces intervened it was over.

Intervention came...

Stop

Ironic- Dramatic irony lies in the audience's deeper perceptions of a coming fate, which contrast with a character's lack of knowledge about said fate.

I have learned how pointless it is to plan the future. My fate is not my own. It is a strange feeling wandering through life with no grasp of what might happen. Anytime I have tried to plan, something always changed. Not having hold of the reigns is both scary and peaceful all at the same time. Truly though, my life is not unlike anyone elses. I just realize I have no control whereas some still think they do. I can't control when I die, when my hair will turn gray, or any circumstance that surrounds me.

I look back, and realize not only how blessed I have been but how my life has been enhanced by situations most people would consider amiss. I wish a couple of things could be different but I don't regret what happened.

On another note, if you are going to act stupid would you stop doing it around me. It must be something in the air that is driving normal people to act like complete.... .

Also, I am no longer going to be a doat herder *smirk* haha - so write it down in your calenders. As of March 20, 2007, Abigail refuses that postion. It is very unbecoming for a lady (yes, occasionally I feel I must act as such. Pointless really, because being and acting are two different things).

I will be leaving for San Antonio in the morning - wish me luck... Love you......
~Abigail

It felt so real but it was just a dream

I hate what these lies have come to mean

Well I try to carry the load

Didn't want you to know

I'm pulled to the side of the road
Please turn red

Another light means another minute

Want vs Need

The choice of "want" versus "need" always seems to be the hardest. To be honest, I am extremely independent and yet....

I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I was stronger, more careful, less honest with myself... But in reality, I know what my downfall is and though it hurts I avoid it.

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

-Relient K

And it was all yellow....

Last night, I attended my cousin's wedding. They are such an amazingly perfect couple that is is almost borderline pathetic. (Not really, but it does have a single girl thinking ).

I was surprised as to what my thoughts where when I thought of one day having my own wedding. Needless to say - THAT WILL NEVER WORK (Not the wedding part - just the thoughts part).

I did however have a great time...

~A

Stars over Texas

I have learned that being myself only causes - well... more Abigail moments. After being called "crazy" at least 25 times today I have decided to make something clear... YES, I KNOW I AM CRAZY... Heck, it is the only way I will have it. Put up or shut up....

Today, was an interesting day. Even now, I find myself contemplating the force of events jam-packed into this day.

There is a little trick in journalism, if you are going to ask a question which you want a detailed answer, you give the poor person in the hot seat time to think.

~Abigail


Random thoughts:

1) I was asked, today, if I wanted to smoke a joint (I thought people knew me better than that. Obviously not.)

2)One of my teacher came unglued in class... I have been her student for 1 1/2 semesters and I have never seen that particular side of her.

3)I had a lovely lunch...

4) In the last issue of the TC News it looks like I disowned my own article by "hiding" my name.

5)I learned "hating umbrellas" is going to put me at a disadvantage in life.

6) I, Abigail, who loves kids (at a distance) has made a colossal mistake. To prove a point, I volunteered to help a friend at church with the 1-5th graders. I am convinced more people should lock their kids in closets. Too bad it is illegal (JUST KIDDING).

7) I am not easily controlled but I am easily dared...

8)Apparently, my phone is girly... Who would have thought?

9) Also a crazy thing, despite popular belief - I am female...

10)I am getting my hair cut soon and it will be glorious. Right now it is driving me freakin insane.

ITP

I was cleaning out my files on my computer and I found this old article I wrote for the TC News in the spring of 2005. Seeing as Easter is right around the corner, I thought it was appropriate:

From the time I was born, God has had His hand on my life. I was born with an incurable and potentially fatal blood disease called Idiopathic Trombocytopenic Purpura, a.k.a. ITP. My body could not make enough platelets (cells in the blood that help the blood clot).

When I was two months old my parents started noticing that every time they touched me a bruise would appear. The children's hospital where I went for treatment told my mother that I was the youngest person they had ever seen with ITP. A normal platelet count is around 250 thousand. Mine hovered at around 14 thousand.

My distressed mother went home and prayed. She distinctly heard God say, "She will be healed". My mother clung to that word for seven months during every kind of test and problem. At one point my white blood cell count started showing signs of abnormality as well.

When I was nine months old the doctors told my mother that if my platelet count ever dropped below 10 thousand, they where going to have to put me on steroids. Because the first year is the most crucial year of a baby's development, the doctors wanted to avoid this at all costs.

At church one night a lady came up to my mom, laid her hands on me, and prayed a simple prayer of healing. A couple of days later, when my mom went back to the doctor, he came into the waiting room scratching his head. My platelet count was 300 thousand and my white blood cell count was normal.

I have been completely healed to this day.

God has done a lot for me. He is constantly working miracles in my life. Lately He has been dealing with me about the power of prayer. Most of the time, I send up a prayer and wonder if He really checks His messages or not, then later the problem has either been solved or He gives me the knowledge of how to fix it.

God has recently had me praying for miracles. I have been praying everyday for the salvation of several of my friends and for two people who have been diagnosed with incurable illnesses to be completely healed.

Jesus literally died so he could have a relationship with you. He wants to save your friends as much as you want them to be saved. Hell is real and there are people you know going there.
This Easter season, I encourage you to pray and ask for miracles. God is a God of the impossible as demonstrated in my life and the many people of faith portrayed in the Bible. God is no respecter of persons, what he does for one he will do for all. Fight for those you love, don't let them be swallowed up by darkness. The battle can only be won on your knees.

~Abigail

Dang, I was young when I wrote this.... haha.. I still believe everthing I said - now I just happen to know a lot more that goes with it. God still is the God of miracles. And believe me, I haven't been praying day and night for years not to see some changes.

PS:
To all the people that surround me:

I love you guys. Ya'll are all wonderful and I daily keep you in my prayers. I just hope that my shortcomings haven't hurt you in any way. I don't claim to be perfect and so if that is how I come off as trying to rub in your face - I am sorry. When it comes down to it that isn't what I am about.

~A

Valentine Special

My mom told me this hilarious story so I thought I would take a few seconds to jot it down. This post will lack my usual long windedness, but if you are too disappointed I will write a longer one later on an equally fascinating subject.

Today my mom took our dog, Gracie, to have "girl" surgery. Gracie is a stray mutt that wandered up to our house and wouldn't leave. She is a relatively young and annoying( the fact that she is annoying has nothing to do with the story and is the personal opinion of the writer. I thought I would throw it in for background purposes) dog. -Being a firm Ed McMan supporter.*snicker* Yeah right. - We decided there would be no ugly puppies running around for Gracie.

Today they had a Valentine Special going on at the vet, and my mom dropped her off. Later today when she picked her up she noticed that the dog looked like it had been filayed open. The vet told her they had to do "exploratory surgery" because they couldn't find any ovaries.

Furthermore, they said that not only that, but she actually used to have them! She had been spayed before. Which is kinda funny because she didn't even have a scar!!!!

I am convinced this kind of thing only happens to the Howletts. I would say pray for her because she has a long row to hoe, but she really is obnoxious, and I am sorry, but I do not like her.

I know it seems cruel, but it is kind of a permanent initiation into the Howlett mutinent pet club. Now we have a alien dog to go with the retard dog , bed wetter dog, and the three amazingly obese dogs.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted that the old Abigail is back. To update that, she is still going strong, and as they say up here she has learned to, "Put her big girl panties on and get over it." I love ya'll.

-Abigail

The Cynical Single

Thank goodness February is a short month. I don't think I could handle the dark, cold, nasty weather for much longer than 28 days. The whole "Valentine" thing is not much of a saving grace for this month. I think someone just decided -Well this month is so horrible, lets throw in a holiday. It is just one crappy month, especially up here. But don't get me wrong - Chocolate fixes everything.

Yesterday was Leticia's birthday. She turned ____. I like living ,so 25. Yea, she turned 25. She received little gifts all throughout the day- flowers, cookies, cake, and a book.

I spent some time this week at the Minnesota DMV. I have decided that if I wasn't going to ever come home that convinced me - I do not want a Minnesota Driver's License. They actually have to take a drivers test.. I was sitting in the waiting room with the "parents" of the poor teens about to take the driving test, while Leticia was taking her written test (that was the only test she had to take seeing as she already had a Nebraska license). The mothers were going hysteric."Mary is sooo nervous", "Susy has never backed up at an 90 degree angle", "John has never driven a truck before, I know he is nervous. He will never make it" ,and my personal favorite a husband was watching his wife taking the drivers test and as she backed into the flag said "Oh man, she's toast." If that isn't support - I don't know what is..

My back is out, so me and the heating pad are becoming fast friends. I am looking forward to tomorrow when my "family" gets back. They have been gone for a week and I miss them. The place is awfully quiet without them. Yes, I do talk to myself, but it is not the same. I tried to answer back but that just felt stupid. hehehe. Me crazy? AS IF.

No church for me tomorrow either. I do not have the guts to go to their church without them. My mom told me to go find a black church, but I don't think they exist around here. After all only 2 percent of Minnesota is not white. If I could find one though, I would be there in a heartbeat. I am almost convinced that God does not live in Minnesota, and I am more than happy to be proven wrong any way I can. All I know is that I have decided if he lives in me - that is enough.

Though you can't tell in this picture. My nails are really long and pretty and I am really proud of them. So there!



This is my office before I cleaned it. Sorry the pictures are so bad, so get over it. I am planning on taking another picture soon.

This requires no comment. It is just plain funny/stupid. I am talking to Elizabeth, comfortably wearing my Jan Kay Hat. (I never feel quite as relaxed as I do when I am wearing it)

-Abigail



Quote of the Day:

"I feel within me a peace above all earthly dignities, a still and quiet conscience"

- Shakespeare



PS because hardly anyone commented on my last post, my only thoughts are that PETA has been called.

Lev. 13-14 Mat. 13-14

Insanity

--> -->As insane as I sound through writing. I know that if I didn't write I WOULD be insane. It is one of the things that clears my system.

I typically don't write about unpleasant things but still it seems to soothe me. I hate being confused and somehow seeing something I created on paper makes all my thoughts flow together as they should. It is just as natural as talking to me. I have to talk and express myself. For after getting it out in the open -- it all finally makes sense. Or not....

Obviously(poor you) you caught me in a contemplative state. I am trying to sort out some things.. Unfortunately, hashing and rehashing never seems to create a different outcome.

Speechless

So this is one of those rare moments where I am speechless. I have so much to say and no words to say it. I just got back from Kansas City, Missouri. I have never had a better New Years. I don't want to go back to the person I was.

Kansas City is the home of the International House of Prayer and they hosted a conference called One Thing. People, do you realize that He actually loves you. Sure you hear it every Sunday in church but do you really KNOW it. Not only does He love you -- He is "in love" with you. Read Song of Solomen.... I'm telling you -- crazy stuff...

I am such a liability. I will only fail Him (and often) and yet He still loves me. Though I will no doubt break His heart (and He knows this), He still pursues me and is in love with me. He knows me (all my faults) and He still chooses me. I will never get that kind of love from any human being. What about this is a bum deal? I have never seen it as a "relationship" before. (The bridegroom) I have always looked at God as though He is a friend and not a lover.

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for him."

Isaiah 30:18

People get ready - JESUS IS COMING.....

Stupidity is...

Running into walls....

Lately, I have been "doped" up due to the fact that I just had my (ONE) wisdom tooth removed. Yes, Abigail on a normal day is loopy but get her on drugs....That is why I am not a drug addict, people... No one would "light up" with me for fear...

Last night the pain came back around 10 so I took some pain meds and went to bed.I woke up and had to go to the bathroom but I couldn't even walk in a straight line. I ended up walking head-on hard into the wall. Which makes an extremely loud sound at 1:00 in the morning. I had a faint bruise this morning which - thankfully is gone. Imagine trying to explain that one.

I remember most of the conversations I have had the last couple of days especially Tuesday but just in case... If it was uncharacteristically crazy- just ignore. Luckily (and unfortunately), I think I am way more truthful (not that I lie - I just volunteer more info than needed) when drugged. ~A