Snowflakes

So a couple of years ago my mom got on this snowflake kick. "Did you know that no snowflake is the same?" She asked. "Did you realize that God constructed everyone of them differently even though they would melt?" "We didn't even know about snowflakes until recently when a photographer learned how to take pictures of them in the air." "Scientist have found that each are individual and different."

It about drove me crazy...

But it's true. God ordained that every snowflake be it's own snowflake. It is different in it's own way. And if you have ever googled pictures you will see the beauty and majesty.

I think we can learn a lot from the snowflake. If God put so much time into something so small that nobody could even see, why wouldn't He put time into us. He has created us to each be different. In our created beauty, He designed us individually and took special time and care into what makes me, me. And if you think for a minute my God doesn't care, look at the snowflake because you are wrong.

Yet will I sing

Let this be the only love song I write
May You be the only Love in my life
I asked You to draw me, I said I would run
So though I walk through the valley, yet will I trust
I asked You to call me, I said I would come
So though I go up the mountain, yet will I run


Though my song be taken from me
Yet will I sing; yet will I praise You
Though the joy be taken from me
Yet will I laugh; yet will I shout unto You
Though the light be hidden from me
Yet will I walk; yet will I run after You
Though my heart be slain within me
Yet will I trust; yet will I follow You


‘Cause I know whatever You do, You do through the eyes of mercy
And nothing can be added to it, nothing can be taken away
There is a time for every purpose under the heavens
So though my weeping may last for the night
Oh how Your joy, it comes with the light

Audra Lynn

As morbid as this sounds, I actually want this song played at my funeral. It describes my journey completely. I can't do any of this without His mercy. And my death should be a day of great joy. It won't happen a minute before He planned it. An eternity of worshiping Christ... I can't think of anything I'd rather do.

Victory

For many years now, God has given my mom a word at the beginning of the year that would sum up what her year would be like. My family has lived through the year of restoration, abandonment and 2009 will be release.

This year, God gave me my own word for the year. He told me this year was going to be a year of Victory. Frankly, I'm excited. In my life, I haven't had much of that. I feel like I have been wandering around the same mountain for years waiting for something to change, for something to happen. Now that time has come. He has promised if I do what I know I am supposed to do, He will bring victory into my life in many areas.

I feel this also applies to things I have prayed for for many years. So this year, I am not giving up. My soul will not be comforted until I have victory. I will pray with new urgency. Not relenting until I see it come to pass. The hour is short and victory is mine.

Coursing through the blood.

I said I couldn't put it into words, but I am going to try:

I am -

sad, disappointed, hurt, crushed, unsure, disengaged, exhausted, aggravated, sick, torn, shocked,demoralized, appalled, humiliated, discouraged, disheartened, disillusioned, disinclined, repulsed, stifled, thwarted...

But at the same time:

I am -

accepted, adored, adorable, approved of, desirable, entrusted, loved, validated, valued, welcomed,cherished...

By my King

Loving me....

Many years ago, I made a vow. I chose to unite myself with the King. He became my everything - my all and all. Everything was perfect. That is until I started getting to busy. It started out so simply, "I can't spend time with you today because I have to do this." and then it progressed until before long we were strangers. I wanted to talk to Him, but I was scared. It was all my fault it had fallen apart, and now why should He, a King of all people, speak with me.. A lowly girl who had played the harlot with her first love. But when we did talk that wasn't what he had to say:

I still want you. You are Mine. I've ruined you for any other man. I'm jealous. You are Mine.

Hosea 2:19 "And I will betroth you to me forever, Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in loving kindness and in compassion. And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord."

I won't stand for it. I chose you. I will consume you and be consumed by you. You were made for this.

Hosea 3:3 Then I said to her "You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you."

Hosea 6:1-3 "Come let us return to the Lord, For He has torn us, but He will heal usl He has wounded us, but he will bandage us. He will revive us after two days. He will raise us up on the third day that we might live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord."

I still love you. I know who you are, and I still want you. My desire is toward you.

STOP!!!

Song of Solomon: 2:10b "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along."

Song of Solomon 4:9b "You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes."

Isaiah 33:14b-17 "Who among us can live with the consuming fire? Who among us can live with continual burning? He who walks righteously and speaks with sincerity, He who rejects unjust gain and hakes his hand so that they hold no bribe; He who stops his ears from hearing about bloodshed, and shuts his eyes from looking upon evil; he will dwell on the heights; his refuge will be the impregnable rock; his bread will be give him; His water will be sure. Your eyes will see the King in his beauty.

I'm melting your heart. You've grown cold and calloused because you stopped focusing soley on me. Your heart will be soft and pliable. You will pray with tears, and My heart will not be able to say no.

Isaiah 43:1b "Do not fear for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.

Isaiah 59:1-2 "Behold the Lord's hand is not so short that it cannot save; Neither is His ear so dull that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God. And your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He does not hear.

Psalms 51

You fell out of love with Me because you forgot it was a choice. Choose Me. I'm still deeply in love with you. Choose Me. I'm waiting. I never stopped loving you. I never stopped desiring you. You are My rose, My lily, the apple of My eye. I want to love you, to protect you, to posses you completely.

We are still one. You chased after other lovers, but I have been faithful. I have loved you and stayed true. Return to Me. All is forgiven.

Will you marry Me? Will you take My name? You've already made a covenant. We are married. Remember your vows. I have ruined you, and you won't ever be happy until you return. The light in your eyes and happiness in your spirit come from Me. I want forever. None of this to death do us part. I want forever.

I take everything - fear, shame , compromise, sin. If you want Me. I'm here. Waiting.

No more emptiness. The lovers you have been chasing will never fulfill you.

Turn around.

No more condemnation. You've repented. You're still My favorite one. I will bring restoration if you'll let me. You are the one I want.

Come home...

Don't look back. Fix your eyes on Me...

***

My only answer to all of this was "Yes".

Torn

Lately, several things have happened that most people would deem "setbacks." It hasn't been easy, but I know that they were God ordained. I have been reading this book about Job and have come to several conclusions.

Job was blameless - I am not. I honestly set myself for all of this, and I thank God He has taken an interest. I can't relate to the magnitude of struggles, but I can tell you a story:

One day my mom's favorite dog, Cowboy, was with the gang (At this particular time, we had 8 dogs) of dogs who loved him dearly. They knew Cowboy was mom's baby, and in turn, they never laid a finger on him and all treated him sweetly. Anytime he came out to play, everyone wanted to hang out with him.

One day, Cowboy got attacked by coyotes. All of the sudden, all the dogs who loved him and were his comrades went for his throat. They started tearing Cowboy to shreds at the first sign of blood.

That is where I feel I am at.

*Incidentally, Cowboy is no longer alive as of last week.

<<<< COWBOY CAME HOME ON DECEMBER 20TH. GOD IS SO FAITHFUL >>>>

Thanksgiving - a time of judgement

Family - they can be the most supportive people in your life, or the most judgmental. My family likes to switch roles. Sometimes they feel the need to inform me that despite the fact that I am only 22, I’m getting old and need to be married and popping out a kid now. I like to think that 22 really isn’t on death’s door. I mean it isn’t like I am over the hill yet or that my womb has died.

Part of this comes from most of my family living in East Texas, where if you are 18 and unmarried you are an old maid, and probably will remain such. My immediate family is very supportive. My mom and dad have always let me do things at my own pace and tried not to interfere. They constantly tell me they are proud of my choices. My other family members however feel the need at Thanksgiving to pinch my cheek, warn me about my fastly encroaching death and warn me to “Get myself a man.”

Is there really anything wrong with being single? What is this plague I wear so boldly? What makes extended family members question my sanity and sexuality because I chose to not couple myself with just any guy. Ever since I was little, my relatives have asked me about my latest boyfriend. Imagine their disappointment every time when my answer was the same as the last - don’t have one… Haven’t met one that was “the one”.

I’m not just going to date for the sake of dating. I am not a lonely miserable person. If someone is going to entice me back on the market, they will have to be pretty special.

I think my relatives should eat more pie. Eating pie makes people happy and keeps them occupied. Pie is the true miracle of the holidays - keeping people quiet, not gossiping and happy.