Are You going to perform Your word?

During worship the other day, I asked God for a "throne room" experience. I have heard so many different accounts, I wanted to see it for myself. I have asked Him before, but never saw any results.

With eyes closed begging God, all of the sudden I was there. In front of me was two thrones and God and the Lamb were seated, I could not make out anything other than forms and shapes because I had what appeared to be a dark veil on my head. It looked like a stone castle. I knew the Holy Spirit was standing beside me. Everything was grey. Lining the walls of the throne room were these strange creatures with many eyes. I can't really describe how crazy they looked except to say they almost looked fake. I could tell their mouths were moving, but I heard no music or sound. All I could hear was the song of worship in my heart toward the Lord.

In that instant I knew I could ask God anything. I knew He would answer any question I had, but I only had one burning question. The question seared my soul, "Are You going to perform Your word?" I need to know that my life is not in vain - that everything I believe is true. That there is power in those words. That I am not living my life according to an empty gospel. Too many people live their life without ever experiencing the power and authority of the Bible.

When I pray I want to see God's word come true. I want to see the power of God manifested and His name lifted high. That is my one desire. It was why I was created. I was created to know Him.

God answered me, " I will perform EVERY word. In fact, you can pick any word in the Bible and if you believe for it - it will be yours. My word does not lie. I have to perform it. Believe for it and it will be yours."

I was floored. Anything I needed- is mine. Healing, deliverance, prosperity, deeper relationship with Him - all at my fingertips - All I had to do was find my scriptures and start believing. To stand and when all else fails - keep standing.

Feeling bold, I asked Him why I had to wear the veil. At this point, I wanted to see Him in all His glory -to behold the beauty of the King. He told me I couldn't handle the sight and barely let my veil shift - a sharp intense ray of light pierced my eyes and left me blind for a couple of seconds.

Yes, eternity is going to be awesome.

Crikey

So Staples has leopard print duct tape. Having recently started liking the "wild-side look", even I started questioning what one would do with leopard duct tape. I'm pretty creative, but I can see that coming to no good. Next episode of CSI - serial killer Bobby's signature becomes tying up his "exotic" woman with leopard duct tape.

My friend Mellie would be proud of me- In an instant I transformed into a shallow little girl excited over the possibilities of what one could do with this new medium. Unfortunately, my mistake was to allow this transformation to take place in front of a sales associate and my husband. Not that I mind showing from time to time, I can be shallow, but showing weakness can be like blood in the water for sharks.

The sales associate was well schooled in the ways of this tape, and had many rolls of a similar pattern to cover a care package to his friend in Iraq. Apparently because it had so much tape on it, the guy ruined his battle knife opening this package. Anyone reading this - say a little prayer for this guy - might need it. After about four more stories, my penance for weakness was over and I was allowed to leave (Actually, he was pretty cool and some of those four stories were pretty funny)

Right now all I can think of several things I'd love to do with leopard print duct tape including:

1) Duct tape my neighbors trash can lid closed. Even as I am writing this blog, I can't handle the constant banging. All day long it constantly thuds. He never puts his trashcans up, and my town is notorious for being really windy. - Not to mention it would be a fun prank.

2) Duct tape the construction site next to my house (Okay so maybe there is a pattern here as I am not exactly happy they are building next to my house and messing up my yard).

3) Pick random folders my husband has to take to work and cover them in said duct tape. Nothing says manly like leopard.

4) Fix a pair of shoes with the tape (Ghetto fabulous - I think yes).

5) Randomly have some around for the next time someone asks me for some tape. Scotch Tape - sure here you go....

Tremble

So it's been a while, blogging sadly just hasn't been a priority lately. Frankly, I have been too busy restructuring my life as God tears down the walls I haphazardly build. I've decided it's human to try to build walls and set boundaries- and it's truly God to destroy all of those.

I wouldn't trade it for anything - Gosh, I only hope I can remember it all. My opinions, once again, on everything have changed. I've given up everything and yet nothing.

The voice rises from the depth
A still small whisper asking for everything
How could I deny, Some might think I'm crazy
But the voice, I must obey

My heart yearns for that whisper
The confirmation of love from My Beloved
I am a cherished bride, One of His esteemed
Where can I find my Beloved

I look not at the destruction surrounding
I look only for my Beloved, In His eyes I find peace
My security is in Him and Him alone
My protector, my confidant, my deliverer

Worthy of all my affection, He speaks - I tremble

The Majesty of War

A letter to my husband:


I can't wait until you wake up and I get to read you this thing from Francis Frangipane. I feel it's exactly what you need today. God has us in a season. It's a season to develop an everlasting love for Him. A deeper love than we have every experienced. A fire that can't be quenched. He has graciously bestowed this time on us, because He doesn't want us to miss it. Healing, ministry, church, raising Godly children, prayer - it's all good - but nothing compares to just pouring out and developing our love potential.

I'm still hung up on:

"The degree of power displayed in our lives is directly porportional to the degree that we have surrendered to the will of God and know the will of God."

How far am I away from surrendering? What won't I give up? It kinda is a scary thought. You never really know what you will do until the situation arises. I think I am pretty prepared to do the will of God until He asks that one thing I have been holding back unknowingly. It's a tricky business. But to love Him is to surrender to His love. I want to give Him everything. I just hope that I do.

I had a vision. My vision was I was looking at a painting, almost as an art analyst. The painting looked like an old George Washington Battle Scene. In the center was a white horse with a heavenly horde of angels and saints surrounding it. The painting was divided almost down the middle. On one side was darkness and on the other was light. The saints looked weary, but were gaining ground. They kept fighting even though their victories were sometimes centimeters. They knew that they would win. On the side lines, there was a bunch of newbies fresh out of bootcamp. Waiting for their turn, in this awesome battle.

There is an intense fire in this house. The battle lines are revealed. The rose colored glasses no longer hide the raging war between good and evil. Here in all it's blood and glory, the spiritual realm collides with earth. You know how we were talking about war being an awful thing. The vision I have in my head is anything but. It's actually one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. The Angels and Saints are pushing back the darkness. Tired and weary, they rise to the occasion every time because they know they are gaining ground. I want to be out there. I still feel like a new recruit. But the weary saints are in need of some back up. They have fought the good fight and now it is time for the younger generation to stand up. I've decided there is even beauty and majesty in war.

So much to learn, so little time. Luckily, it really comes down to love.

The drum beats close in...

My heart feels so many different emotions tonight. It's stirred up with a fire that starts in my bones and won't be shut out. It's also heavy with so much laid upon it. Part of it just wants to scream, cry out and sing at the top of my lungs. But I know, the sounds that come forth won't do the impression I have on my heart justice.

My heart pounds with a beat that resounds throughout my body. A call of war that cannot be shutdown or shutout. The beat sends mixed feelings through me. Feelings not unlike a brand new soldier's, fresh out of bootcamp, first day of combat.

Timing is running out. People get ready. Jesus is coming! This knowledge grows stronger everyday.

It's building... The fury... It's building... The passion... It's building... The Love.

The desire to know Him and be known by Him.... Consumes me.

I heard this quote today and I plan on learning to understand it more:

"The degree of power displayed in our lives is directly porportional to the degree that we have surrendered to the will of God and know the will of God."

I am also checking my heart for judgement. When I talk to people, I want it to be out of love. I have been reading Francis Frangipane's book Exposing the accuser of the brethren:

"That someone should discover the imperfections of their pastor or church is by no means a sign of spirituality. Indeed, we could find fault with the church before we were Christians. What we do with what we see, however, is the measure of Christlike maturity. Remember, when Jesus saw the condition of mankind, He 'emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond servant... He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.' Phil 2:7-8. He died to take away sins; He did not judge them."

It's a fine line between correcting and judging. Deliverance ministry and prophecy also cause many people to feel judged, and I need to be more sensitive. I am amazed at what God has taught me in the last couple of months. I feel so honored and blessed that I am getting this crash course. It has not been easy, but I needed the wake up call.

I just want to be on fire. To stand in His presence and burn - nothing else matters.

Getting the beat down - fiery fighting...

"I do not fight like a man beating the air." (Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:26)

Fighting is one of my strong suits - just ask my husband or any man on the other end of the fury (not anger- I specialize in calculated yet somewhat harsh take downs). So why am I so passive when it comes to my beliefs and knowledge of the Bible. The Bible says as clear as day that everything in the Bible relates to me (He is no respecter of persons. What He does for one person - He will do for another). Healing, deliverance, gifts and prophecy- all apply to me. So why haven't I claimed them?

I recently read a book which describes the Bible as being a living will and testament of Jesus. In order for a will to be valid, someone has to die. Because Jesus died, everything in the will (Bible) applies to me.

Lately, I have been pursing healing. Not completely on a personal level, but for several people around me who are in desperate need. I want to understand what it takes for God to heal someone completely. As I have studied and read my Bible, I have concluded it really is a faith issue.

Do you really believe everything the Bible says is true?

The average Christian lives a life of mediocrity and sadly, sickness because they don't claim the benefits of the will. I for one don't want to be one of those people. One of my greatest desires is to see God touch people. I want to see Him heal the sick, raise the dead and deliver people. The more I delve into this aspect of Him, the more fascinated I am by His glory. I have found that my faith is being built, and I am seeing miracles come about. Just last week, I laid hands on my husband and God healed him TWICE!!!! (Of two separate things).

I have started questioning why I behave the way I do. Why, when someone who is close to me says they are sick that I don't lay hands on them. Why I continue to see things in the natural despite knowing that God's Kingdom goes against everything the world says. I am coming to a point that I want to be done with those things. I refuse to just take people's sickness and eventual death as "Sigh, I wish there was something that can be done, but there just isn't." Either the Bible is true or it isn't. Salvation and Healing go hand in hand. Read the New Testament - it's all there. Over and over, He sent out His apostles to preach and heal.

Also, while I am on the subject. I need to stop cursing myself. My words are powerful. Whatever I say will come into being. I need to stop talking about cancer as if it is a death sentence - God has authority over everything. I will stop claiming sickness. I will start claiming healing. I am not going to even allude to the fact that I could possibly get sick from certain diseases in my personal daily conversations. I'm not going to give the devil a foot in the door anymore.

Mind you, this all is a fight. We wrestle not with flesh and blood, but principalities and darkness. This is the Year of War* for me, and I have to say - the Fight has just begun.

I encourage those who read my blog to not settle. If there is something wrong with your body, let the Creator fix it. He made provision for you in His will. Your medical bills are covered. I highly suggest you read these following books.


Recommended Reading:
-The Bible (I know it should go without saying, but healing comes through faith and faith comes from reading the Word. Faith is built through reading the Word until it permeates your being and causes faith to rise up that what is written is absolute truth)
-How to Heal the Sick by Charles and Francis Hunter
-They Shall Expel Demons by Derek Prince



*At the beginning of the year, I always ask the Lord what the word of the year is for me. This year instead of fun, fluffy words like hope, love or victory, He told me it was the Year of War. December it may be, but I am just now getting a feel for what it means to be in the trenches. I feel this entire year was boot camp for the now. The Fire is growing, the Fight has started - Are you ready?

The Fight...

For a brief period of time as she sunk deeper into the cool, dark blue water, she entertained the thought of drowning. The water cradled her in her descent and comforted her broken mind. Finally able to feel a strange calm, she turned off her mind and floated calmly towards her end. Of course, she wasn’t thinking clearly, but being wrapped in a blanket of water had taken away her ability to reason. Was this not easier?

Then, it hit her- her oxygen was depleted. A pain in her lungs paralyzed her thoughts in a way the water couldn’t, but she knew her choice was now -finish it or fight. This was the point of no return. The deceptive waters held her even closer trying to make her decision one of ease, but her brain screamed, “WAKE UP, this isn’t you.” The fighter inside her arose. Thrashing about, she tried to escape the waters grasp. Stubborn, the water held on to it’s captive. She was losing the battle. Knowing this was her last moment, she used her precious last ounce of breath to cry out to her savior for help.

A supernatural peace came over her. Her thoughts were no longer muddled and strength flooded into her body that was not her own. She broke the surface of the dark and tumultuous water only to flip over on her back and bask in the light. The possessive water still lapped at her body- demanding it’s pound of flesh, but her thoughts were only on her savior and the light.

Her independence and complacency had gotten her here. Looking at the world through new eyes, that had to change. Her uprising out of the depths had placed her back in the arms of her first love-a place where the status quo was not acceptable.

The Bride

Just the other day, I found myself wondering what the Bride as a whole – mind, body and spirit- looks like in God's and Jesus' eyes. I mean neither one of them are so shallow to be caught up in looks, but what makes her so special that she catches the eye of the Most High.

First, let me clarify whom I am talking about when I talk about the Bride of Christ and use the pronoun “she”. I am talking about the body of Christ as a whole – both men and women- who have dedicated themselves to serving and loving Christ. The Bible frequently refers to a pure and spotless bride. Just as sea captains refer to their boats as female, Jesus refers to the Body of Christ as his bride. He longs for them just as a bridegroom longs to be married to his beloved, and is ravished by their attentions towards Him (Read Song of Solomon). Here is what I wrote in my prayer journal - probably wrong but feel free to give me your thoughts:

"The Bride of Christ is not a meek-mannered girl dressed in all white. She's a warrior - a fierce creature -, trained in battle, and unafraid of anything because she is used to keeping up with her beloved (Not an easy feat considering that He is constantly on the move). Jesus looks fondly at her battle scars because they are proof of victory. He's not looking for a princess, but a girl who can hold her own. Yes, she has all the grace and power of a queen, but it's her strength and devotion that draws Him to her. She's dark but lovely. Her weakness is her strength. She is compassionate, loving, and kind. Steadfast, she wrestles not with flesh and blood."

Jesus never believed in hurting people, but He does believe in war. The bride understands the war is on the inside. The battle is for keeps. I find more often than not, I am not fighting against some dark powers that be, but my own will. Though I do not doubt the desire of the devil to watch me fail, I know my own flesh fights against me to help him.

The bride understands the Beatitudes. Read them until they get into your system – they will transform your life:

Mathew 5:3-11

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4
Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
5
Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
6
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
7
Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
8
Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
9
Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
10
Blessed are those who are persecuted
for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11“Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

This is why I'm alive

I really like this song. I feel as long as He's with me I can survive anything.

Let’s survive this –Laura Hackett

Let’s survive this together
We’ve survived so much together already
But I want to live through this with you

Vs.2
This is why I’m alive
It’s moments like this I want together with you
Let’s just take tonight and breathe again

Chorus:
You feel pain tonight
You won’t always feel this way
You feel pain tonight

And it’s gonna be ok
It’s gonna be ok
(back to vs. 1)

What I wish I had know before I got married:

1) Movies are completely wrong. I'll let you know when I see a realistic one.

2) You never completely know your husband - it's terrible when you stop trying to explore his nature. He needs to be pursued.

3) Your relationship with God changes, because all of the sudden you are one person in two people's bodies.

4) There is no Better Wives Bureau, but there should be.

5) Marriage can cause a sudden loss of friends.

6) Pet names for each other can be great as long as they aren't too graphic. The public isn't ready for such nonsense. And Hippo is never acceptable or cute.

7) A man's truck is his castle. Don't wash it with a brillo pad.

8) One chick flick to 10 action films is a reasonable deal.

9) Everything is a "that's what she said" and should be treated as thus.

10) Guys don't understand girls so go easy on them and spell things out a lot.

10.5) Which brings me to my next point -Use the term Halo numbers when exaggerating (It's easy to understand). IE: " I washed a thousand dishes in halo numbers of course." Quite similar to killing "9" grunts when in actuality you have only killed 4.

11) Keep a close eye on the unmentionable drawer.

12) Two walk-in-closets can sometimes not be enough.

13) Turtlenecks= shrugs

14) Bed and Breakfast= AWESOME

15) Don't skimp on the honeymoon.

16) Don't forget to put a why behind I love you occasionally or those three words become meaningless.

17) People will always look at you crazy when you tell your dog "mommy wants you to go find daddy."

18) There is no magical day when the fighting completely stops. You are two people dying to oneself. Doesn't mean you have to always agree.

19) Guns do complicate matters, but in the end are a good thing.

20) Champagne baths

21) One screw-up meal a month is allowed -That is all.

21.5) If you are not an expert, carrot is not a good base for a soup.

21.75) Remember to shell your crustaceans before putting them in a meal.

22) Buy the five pack of pregnancy test - it's completely worth it.

23) Love letters don't need to stop just because you got married. Looking back on your history is one of the best things you can do.

23.5) You should write her a love song because she asked for one, Cause she needs one - you see.

24) Apologies go a long way.

25) Don't let your dog play with your husband's soccer ball.

26) Frozen grapes.

27) Always remind your husband when you have the grill in the back of the truck especially when nearing the garage.

28) Nobody likes to be an iphone widower

29) Don't forget to pray over your husband in front of him. NOT SARCASTICALLY.

30) Never forget marriage means FOREVER... No outs.

A great evil has taken over my house

There is a great evil in my house. My dog seems to think the devil himself resides here now.

It all started yesterday. Helo (my dog) noticed the outdoors started becoming indoors. Bright lights attacked him from every angle and glitter covered his fur. Sure of the devil's hand in my Christmas decoration, he has lived in constant wariness. He sleeps with one eye open, sure his soul is about to be taken from him. Letting out little barks of warning at every turn, he tries to warn me of the impending doom. It doesn't help that these are dark days anyway as daylight savings time creeps up upon us.

My husband and I just wanted to decorate together for once before he goes back to work. We had no idea how it might crack our dog and send him to a puppy insane asylum.

Happy First Christmas Helo!

James Bond

Okay, so maybe I have a problem. To comfort myself when my husband is gone, I have surrounded myself with many eyes. Bunnies, dolphins, snowmen - all in various shapes, sizes and textures give me that added sense of not being alone - at least until the lights go off. Then they peer through devilish eyes waiting to seize my soul.

I have always been the kind of person who wants to be alone on my own terms. I love being alone, but only when I decide that's the way I want it. Unfortunately, with my husband's job I don't get to chose these said times.

Our house is big and makes a lot of weird noises during the night. There is no knight in shining armor, no James Bond to rescue a damsel in distress... Only me and the killer bunnies. Monty Python has nothing on us.

I guess what I am trying to warn anyone visiting my house, if you see a bunny tail facing out - he's not in time out. I am just not allowing him to steal my soul. Not on my watch.

Transformed...

Who doesn't deal with a bit of self loathing? In my freshman year of college, my psych teacher asked all of her students to write down the top thing we would change about our body -given a chance. As she read off the hated body parts, she came to a curious one. Thinking of nothing physically I truly hated, I wrote down my second toe as it was longer than the big toe and I had received many insults concerning it. My entire class broke out and started begging for the culprit to fess up.

Everyone else had weight issues, noses that were broken, or downright wanted to change everything. I have always found that the parts I wanted to change were never on the outside. I have seen people completely sold out to Christ and wanted that desperately. Always feeling like I fall short. Knowing the price of their relationship to be costly. I will always want to change. I will always want more. When I feel like I am slipping off the path, this hatred of what I am becoming always pulls me back.

I have been reading Jeremiah a lot lately, and he still slightly baffles me. He endured persecution, people who didn't believe him time and time again, devastation, his family betrayed him and yet he continued to preach the harsh message that God continuely placed on his heart. He was never popular and was hated by all. Kings suffered horrible deaths because they didn't listen to his warning. And I know, that if just one had listened it would have made me feel better. He suffered it all gladly because of the voice. He had the God of the Universe speaking to him -dwelling with him in the secret place. People take the voice for granted - until it leaves. Then they become desperate.

Oh that I was desperate!

The only time I can ever say that change came easy is when I married my husband. I won't say that it is easy being married or having one's identity completely tied into another persons. But from the second, I knew he was the one, I was a changed girl. I knew there was no going back. I wasn't right without him. I wasn't whole. Sometimes I feel like that about God, and other times I slip. I know my relationship to Jesus is a mirror of my marriage, but I guess having a husband who always let's his presence be known and demands my attention - makes it easier to keep up the relationship.

Oh how I hate....

Several friends have prompted me to write about my upcoming wedding, and I would have already done so if I had a half-way decent internet connection. But alas, Rabbit Run Farm(My parents house) is stuck in the age of dial-up leaving me bitter and frustrated when it comes to blogging.

I plan on blogging about how I met the most wonderful man in the whole world (sometime in the near future), and what led me (a person deeply afraid of commitments) to take the plunge into the great unknown (needless to say he's really special and there is no way I could live without him).

But today, I think I will focus on garage sales. Garage sales are the bane of my existence... The absolute fuel that causes all the love in my heart to be drained. So why I agreed to participate in three of them is beyond me. The logic seemed worthy as my mom explained that my poor new husband was going to have to bear the brunt of all the trinkets I had collected since pre-school. I lived in horror of trashing out his house with polly pockets and grand champion horses. I was just about ready to do anything to save my pride from taking box after box of crap to my man's house. Plus, my mom explained that the money earned from the garage sale could go towards the wedding.

Three garage sales later - I was ready to kill anything and anyone in my path. But we did manage to make a little money (and all the stuff went to Goodwill so I never have to see it again. While in my head I know that garage sales and purging are not the end of the world, I think it is still going to take me some time to quit shuddering at the very mention of those words.

Glory

The other day at work when one of my coworkers walked past me, I flashed him this big smile. His entire countenance changed and he said, "You know, normally you have a smile on your face, but there are some days where your smile is almost unearthly - Like you are in a different place."

And I am...

I love that the glory I experience can be seen on my face.

"For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth and deep darkness the people; But the Lord will arise over you. And His glory shall be seen upon you." Isaiah 60:2

Here are some of the words I got from that place:

I have called you. Rise my beloved. I want more. Most of all, from you - I want quality time.

The Fire will come, and you will be consumed.

The Bible is full of Me calling people, begging them for a relationship. I keep begging because of the lack of response. Come My beloved. All will worship before me, eventually. I want them to chose Me now. I am still begging.

Just rest in Me. Isn't My presence enough? Don't you just want to be with me? Isn't enough? Must you only come to me with problems. We don't have to speak. I just like being with you. Spending time. Staring eye to eye.

Thoughts

I love words... Especially the words relating to God - imperishable, undefiled, hope, glory, peace, joy, salvation, conformed and unblemished. Right now, I feel a renewed hope in words. I don't exactly know how to explain it.

I originally went into journalism because words meant a lot to me. I was a firm believer in the fact that the right words caused change - anything could be said in a way that would make a difference. Now I see the error in my logic. Yes, words still have power and can change anything. But only if they are spoken from the Life Source.

One of my few desires is to have His words constantly flow through me whether it be a word of encouragement, praise or scripture.

Shrinking Head Potion

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."
Mark Twain

"I like life. It's something to do."
Ronnie Shakes

I have to think most people are bland and live mundane lives they have carved out for themselves. Their normalcy and decision to strive only to fit in with society keeps them from living extrodanairy lives. Occasionally, I stumble upon a person who makes my life entirely worth living, a person whose quirkiness makes me appreciate my last breath. Sometimes I can even pick them out of a crowd. It might be an obviously straight guy who carries a girly bag, or a girl who likes to share way too much personal information in class.

Being able to appreciate people and their quirkiness, happens to be one of the things that keeps me happy. Lately, I thought I had lost that. But today, I found it again. And believe me, it is not something I want to give up. Life is too short not to be happy. Not to look it straight in the eyes and laugh. I don't ever want to be the person that answers "nothing much" when asked what I was up to. Everyone has a story to tell.

Probably if I learned anything from my Great Grandmother besides wanting to be exactly like her, I learned about making my small part of life as pleasant as I could by choosing to be happy. She had a small framed picture of this hideous orange flower surrounded by the words "Bloom where you are planted." And that is exactly what she did everyday. Despite the pain she endured, despite the anger of the teenage girl that lived with her, despite all of her circumstances - she woke up happy, put on her lipstick, talked to the birds outside her window and kept smiling the whole day long.

Everything could be fixed with either a cup of coffee and a chat or a coat of glitter.

I thoroughly enjoyed today.

Here are some recent humorous topics/happenings this week in short:

"If he shaved his head, he'd have AIDS."

The rebuttal:

"There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians, JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. "I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head." [laughs] And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams." The Office

RANDOM NAMES:
Snarl
Barney
Thing 1
Thing 2
Rising Star
Pocahontas
Sparta
Mr. Priss


Question:
"Have you ever wondered if there is a such thing as a shrinking head potion? I mean what about people with small heads."

Reponse:
"That's freakish"

Riding the pony.

Boy Craziness

"Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'." The Office

Chipotle Date.

Serial Killer Handwriting.

"I guess I need to watch more Criminal Minds so I can profile if he's the kind of serial killer that you need to be good friends with because he doesn't know his victims or run away from."

Shake it...

I'm sorry for being so cynical lately. My joyful nature and love for life got zapped somewhere in life's troubles. It's not like me, and I refuse to stay here. I know what to do, I know how to fix this. Life is always going to be problematic, but I don't have to react this way. I can embrace it with dancing in the parking lot, laughter and the typical Abigail look.

Thanks for standing by. It will get better, but only by His grace.

I had a great night with God the other day. I felt so insignificant, so unworthy and so weak. I have always considered myself strong and yet I was weak. I found myself begging Him not to leave me alone. I guess all the previous rejections had finally gotten to me. I just kept begging Him and of course He stayed. He chose me. He even told me He has promised me things and to ask Him to prove it because He would. So He's not going to leave, and He's going to prove everything to me. This chick is going to be fine.

This blog was particularly hard for me to write because I like to think I am a strong person and nothing gets to me. In the past I felt I had to be strong, I couldn't let things get to me because if I fell apart who would take up the slack? Showing weakness is something I NEVER wanted to do. Unfortunately, circumstances beyond my control lately brought out my weaknesses.

The God of the universe loves me.

I'm not going to cower. I will stand tall in heels and conquer. This year is the year of victory for me.

Cryptic Happenings.

My life in summary right now:


Studying the dangers and delusions of dating.

Dancing Bear and Crazy Tree

The soap smells like dog piss.

Pork Chop

Taped glasses

Bitsy and Midge take to the mall...

Britney Spears shouldn't turn anyone on.

Love is pain.

Can I touch your robot?

Whip it... Whip it good.

Bloody knuckles.

No Habla Espanol - see what I mean...

Soon she ain't yo ho no mor.

Backster Backster

The one in goggles is kind of hot.

I should have worn my chucks, but how could i have known

Have you facebook stalked him yet?

Molestation happens all the time.

Where's the flood, buddy.

Good thing you can't be impregnated by someone looking at you.

Wish me well.

Smelling like pancakes and butt.

I kinda feel like a child molester.

Fine, I'll take him. I can't deny my own blood.

I'm blaming it all on Post Traumatic Stress.

Strictly, no ex husbands.

Believable doubt.

I feel like I am eating for five.

Rejection Hotline

***If you where tagged chances are you were with me during these incidents or at least know about it. Disclaimer: Many of these statements I only witnessed.

Love

Is something I want to be able to give unreserved. Something that even despite the pain, heartache and life's problems - People can look at me and say - but she loved.

And let me tell you I did. I still do. I won't and can't stop.

I don't always accomplish what I set out to, and I often fall short. But this is one thing I want to be good at.

I respect people that are unconditional lovers. People who despite being spit on have risen above and still loved.

La neige au sahara (Like snow on the Sahara) is my ultimate goal. I want to live a life of excessive waste. ***TRANSLATION*** I want to be able to love and keep on loving. I don't want to grow cold. Despite rejection and heartache I want to be able to rise above and love. Because love is the one thing that changes everything. It doesn't matter that the snow melts. It doesn't matter that it seems pointless - all that matters is that something unique happened. Something that is rare. Unconditional love is rare.

So there it is - My only goal in life....

Because after all - God is love.