Finally - a break...

It truly has been an amazing week. I won't go into detail but believe me -AMAZING.. Of course, in Abigail language that means lots of freaky, unexplainable, things that make me smile happened. Thank goodness for that. I have been needing the freaky; )

I refuse to be the kind of person that counts down the days until this semster is over. Of course, I have to admit it is taking everything in me not to. Being one of "those" kind of people would be beneath me though.

In other news, I had my driving critiqued the other day. This lady stopped me in the parking lot and brazenly told me that whatever moron gave me my driver's license should take it back. I just flashed her a smile and nodded my head (heck, it is probably true any ways because I couldn't remember even seeing her car on the road). I guess she didn't much appreciate me smiling because she gave me this utterly vicious glare and then peeled out of the parking lot.

For those of you who know me well, I thought I would inform you that my "Devil May Care" day has come and gone. It was a much milder bout than usual but still quite lethal. Needless to say, it ended with my mom prying a shot gun out of my hands (that darn cat). But not to fear because as those who know me know - It only happens about once a year.

Yes, I do ramble... But in my defense it has been - one of those days...

~Abigail

The plot thickens.

Just when I started to think things had evened out - not gotten better, just evened out- they took a turn for the worse. haha It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be including myself. Just when I think I have hit an all-time-low I manage to top everything I have ever done before. Thank the Lord there is grace.

I would write more but I jacked this off my friend's site and it sums up everything perfectly.

~Abigail

i've not completely let go, though it may seem like it, at the end of the day i am faced with the same feelings. i asked myself a million times, "why".. why it is so difficult to let go and sail to a new boat? im stuck in a port somewhere that's unfamiliar. then again, is the circumstance causing my delayed departure, or is it me choosing to stay? sometimes i feel so confident that i know the answers, but at times i feel as though im back feeling like a helpless child, wandering off a dark alley.

my judgement has betrayed me. i keep seeking truth in every moment, and in every situation, but only to know that the truth i once so believed in, no longer exist. a place that once was so green has now been emptied into a barren waste land.

i only want to feel unconditional, but every moment is opportunity for condition to set it. it is but a labyrinth of confusion, piled up to one another. a sinking ship in the middle of a calm sea. a desperate sos that has never reached its desitination. a driftwood continuing to float in this painful existance.

i need to sail away and find a new territory, maybe then can i find that truth which i seek. then again maybe the answers are right infront of me all along, only i refuse to see it. at this point, i really do not know... they say that "one not need to touch the fire to know that they will get burned"........ but maybe i do need to touch the fire to know that it burns.

is it being unintelligent or be it a brush of faith? again, i do not know.

Hurt

I wish our distance would disappear

You got to know

That I want you

And I need you here



I think of you when Im alone

I think of you when Im afraid

I think of you everyday



I think of you when Im awake

I think of you when Im with her

I think of you everyday



-The Chemistry





Help me, help you

They won't be there

Help me, help you

They won't see



It hurts when you need me

And I can't break your fall

And it hurts when you can't see

And it hurts



And it hurts when you're lonely

And I'm standing right beside you there

And it hurts when you told me

That you'll try this on your own



-Thousand Foot Krutch

Homegrown

I think that some people have decided that I have changed, which in all reality might be true. But I feel that I am still the same girl that likes to take long walks in the dark barefoot staring up at the moon, and engage in all sorts of hickish activities. I will always crave East Texas and all it represents. It is my comfort zone, and the place I feel happiest. Sure, one day I will move and start a life elsewhere, but I will always return. And that dreamy, stupid, utmost happy look on my face will always be present when I do.

Today, I helped my dad rake hay. Glamorous job - let me tell you. I honestly look like a Mexican, I am so dark right now. Unfortunately, the tan lines are less than to be desired but at least it is not a farmer's tan.

I really don't have much more to say right now. I will write more later.


~Abigail

Quotes of the Day:

Okay for some reason, I am in a Elizabeth Peters - I am really tall- what the heck- mood. So bear with me.

"This Time It Wasn't My Fault.
On several previous occasions I have found myself up to my neck in trouble (and that's pretty high up, because I am almost 6 feet tall), which might have been avoided if I had displayed a little ladylike discretion. This time, however, I was innocent of everything except stupidity. They say some people attract trouble, I attract people who attract trouble."

"A man can't understand why a women's handbag is such a sensitive object- almost an extension of her person. I don't fully understand it myself. Maybe it's because we keep so many private intimate possessions in our purses- love letters, cosmetics, jelly doughnuts... Maybe a purse is a symbol of the womb, or something equally Freudian. I can't explain it, but I know I hate the idea of a stranger's hands rummaging in my bag."

"What women in her right mind would want to be six feet tall? How can you look coyly up at a man from under your lashes when your eyes are the same level, or higher? How can you find skirts long enough to cover your knees? Put a pitchfork in my hand, and I look like a farmer; put a spear in my hand and I look like and undernourished Valkyrie. I'd much rather be cute and cuddly like Gerda- well maybe not quite that cuddly.

-Elizabeth Peters

The Glass Box

urrently, I feel like I am living in a glass box. I can see the destruction of the world around me, I am right in the middle of it, and yet it can't touch me. I am in boot camp. God has me in an intense season. I am learning what it means to be in the world and not of it. Any one-eyed crazy person can sit there and have the perfect relationship with God if they live in a bubble and never venture out into the real world. And any insane person can go overboard and be to worldly. I have to learn to walk the line. Right now God has me working on boundries. What is to far? When should I draw the line? He is taking me through some things that I know that I am supposed to learn a lesson from - and never return to. I am safe right now while He is instructing me. If I were to do some of the things he has me doing, later- I would no longer be in the protection of the glass box.



SHAWN McDONALD
Hold On
Written by Shawn McDonald and Chris Stevens

Another day gone by
And again I ask myself why
I question my sanity
Why I believe what I believe
Some might think that I am crazy
For believing in something I cannot see
So won't You now
Hold on to me, hold on
Hold on to me, yeah
Please don't let me go no, no, hold on
'Cause I am prone to wonder
Prone to leave this faith I know
Hold on
And now they say that the wise man
Well, he fears the Lord
And this fear, well, it's the beginning of all wisdom
And I must be a fool
'Cause I sure don't seem to fear You
'Cause the very things that You will me to do
Well, I just don't seem to get around to
The very things that You hate
Are the very things that I always stumble into
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
'Cause I am prone to leave this faith I know
Prone to leave this God I love
Won't You hold on
Won't You hold on to me

Question...

Does the pain ever truly go away? Will I ever be able to dig out of the pit I have so conveniently placed myself in? Will saying I'm sorry ever "just" be good enough? Must I always pay for every mistake?

This is me - not trying

So I think this is going to be my last week at MN. And what a week it will be!! No time for breathing, sleeping or thinking. On the 4th of July, I will be trying to attend 3 parades ( I say try because I am going to have to leave like a bat out of hades just to get to that last one). It is going to be a VERY long-long-long day. I am in charge of those 3 parades so it is my job to make sure NOTHING goes wrong. I will let you know how it goes; )

I really don't have much more to say other than keep me in your prayers and I can't wait to see my Texas people!!!



PS: Yes my title means something to me. No, I will not explain.

Quotes of the Day

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.

- Voltaire

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.

-Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)