Cryptic Happenings.

My life in summary right now:


Studying the dangers and delusions of dating.

Dancing Bear and Crazy Tree

The soap smells like dog piss.

Pork Chop

Taped glasses

Bitsy and Midge take to the mall...

Britney Spears shouldn't turn anyone on.

Love is pain.

Can I touch your robot?

Whip it... Whip it good.

Bloody knuckles.

No Habla Espanol - see what I mean...

Soon she ain't yo ho no mor.

Backster Backster

The one in goggles is kind of hot.

I should have worn my chucks, but how could i have known

Have you facebook stalked him yet?

Molestation happens all the time.

Where's the flood, buddy.

Good thing you can't be impregnated by someone looking at you.

Wish me well.

Smelling like pancakes and butt.

I kinda feel like a child molester.

Fine, I'll take him. I can't deny my own blood.

I'm blaming it all on Post Traumatic Stress.

Strictly, no ex husbands.

Believable doubt.

I feel like I am eating for five.

Rejection Hotline

***If you where tagged chances are you were with me during these incidents or at least know about it. Disclaimer: Many of these statements I only witnessed.

Love

Is something I want to be able to give unreserved. Something that even despite the pain, heartache and life's problems - People can look at me and say - but she loved.

And let me tell you I did. I still do. I won't and can't stop.

I don't always accomplish what I set out to, and I often fall short. But this is one thing I want to be good at.

I respect people that are unconditional lovers. People who despite being spit on have risen above and still loved.

La neige au sahara (Like snow on the Sahara) is my ultimate goal. I want to live a life of excessive waste. ***TRANSLATION*** I want to be able to love and keep on loving. I don't want to grow cold. Despite rejection and heartache I want to be able to rise above and love. Because love is the one thing that changes everything. It doesn't matter that the snow melts. It doesn't matter that it seems pointless - all that matters is that something unique happened. Something that is rare. Unconditional love is rare.

So there it is - My only goal in life....

Because after all - God is love.

Snowflakes

So a couple of years ago my mom got on this snowflake kick. "Did you know that no snowflake is the same?" She asked. "Did you realize that God constructed everyone of them differently even though they would melt?" "We didn't even know about snowflakes until recently when a photographer learned how to take pictures of them in the air." "Scientist have found that each are individual and different."

It about drove me crazy...

But it's true. God ordained that every snowflake be it's own snowflake. It is different in it's own way. And if you have ever googled pictures you will see the beauty and majesty.

I think we can learn a lot from the snowflake. If God put so much time into something so small that nobody could even see, why wouldn't He put time into us. He has created us to each be different. In our created beauty, He designed us individually and took special time and care into what makes me, me. And if you think for a minute my God doesn't care, look at the snowflake because you are wrong.

Yet will I sing

Let this be the only love song I write
May You be the only Love in my life
I asked You to draw me, I said I would run
So though I walk through the valley, yet will I trust
I asked You to call me, I said I would come
So though I go up the mountain, yet will I run


Though my song be taken from me
Yet will I sing; yet will I praise You
Though the joy be taken from me
Yet will I laugh; yet will I shout unto You
Though the light be hidden from me
Yet will I walk; yet will I run after You
Though my heart be slain within me
Yet will I trust; yet will I follow You


‘Cause I know whatever You do, You do through the eyes of mercy
And nothing can be added to it, nothing can be taken away
There is a time for every purpose under the heavens
So though my weeping may last for the night
Oh how Your joy, it comes with the light

Audra Lynn

As morbid as this sounds, I actually want this song played at my funeral. It describes my journey completely. I can't do any of this without His mercy. And my death should be a day of great joy. It won't happen a minute before He planned it. An eternity of worshiping Christ... I can't think of anything I'd rather do.

Victory

For many years now, God has given my mom a word at the beginning of the year that would sum up what her year would be like. My family has lived through the year of restoration, abandonment and 2009 will be release.

This year, God gave me my own word for the year. He told me this year was going to be a year of Victory. Frankly, I'm excited. In my life, I haven't had much of that. I feel like I have been wandering around the same mountain for years waiting for something to change, for something to happen. Now that time has come. He has promised if I do what I know I am supposed to do, He will bring victory into my life in many areas.

I feel this also applies to things I have prayed for for many years. So this year, I am not giving up. My soul will not be comforted until I have victory. I will pray with new urgency. Not relenting until I see it come to pass. The hour is short and victory is mine.

Coursing through the blood.

I said I couldn't put it into words, but I am going to try:

I am -

sad, disappointed, hurt, crushed, unsure, disengaged, exhausted, aggravated, sick, torn, shocked,demoralized, appalled, humiliated, discouraged, disheartened, disillusioned, disinclined, repulsed, stifled, thwarted...

But at the same time:

I am -

accepted, adored, adorable, approved of, desirable, entrusted, loved, validated, valued, welcomed,cherished...

By my King

Loving me....

Many years ago, I made a vow. I chose to unite myself with the King. He became my everything - my all and all. Everything was perfect. That is until I started getting to busy. It started out so simply, "I can't spend time with you today because I have to do this." and then it progressed until before long we were strangers. I wanted to talk to Him, but I was scared. It was all my fault it had fallen apart, and now why should He, a King of all people, speak with me.. A lowly girl who had played the harlot with her first love. But when we did talk that wasn't what he had to say:

I still want you. You are Mine. I've ruined you for any other man. I'm jealous. You are Mine.

Hosea 2:19 "And I will betroth you to me forever, Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in loving kindness and in compassion. And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord."

I won't stand for it. I chose you. I will consume you and be consumed by you. You were made for this.

Hosea 3:3 Then I said to her "You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you."

Hosea 6:1-3 "Come let us return to the Lord, For He has torn us, but He will heal usl He has wounded us, but he will bandage us. He will revive us after two days. He will raise us up on the third day that we might live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord."

I still love you. I know who you are, and I still want you. My desire is toward you.

STOP!!!

Song of Solomon: 2:10b "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along."

Song of Solomon 4:9b "You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes."

Isaiah 33:14b-17 "Who among us can live with the consuming fire? Who among us can live with continual burning? He who walks righteously and speaks with sincerity, He who rejects unjust gain and hakes his hand so that they hold no bribe; He who stops his ears from hearing about bloodshed, and shuts his eyes from looking upon evil; he will dwell on the heights; his refuge will be the impregnable rock; his bread will be give him; His water will be sure. Your eyes will see the King in his beauty.

I'm melting your heart. You've grown cold and calloused because you stopped focusing soley on me. Your heart will be soft and pliable. You will pray with tears, and My heart will not be able to say no.

Isaiah 43:1b "Do not fear for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.

Isaiah 59:1-2 "Behold the Lord's hand is not so short that it cannot save; Neither is His ear so dull that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God. And your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He does not hear.

Psalms 51

You fell out of love with Me because you forgot it was a choice. Choose Me. I'm still deeply in love with you. Choose Me. I'm waiting. I never stopped loving you. I never stopped desiring you. You are My rose, My lily, the apple of My eye. I want to love you, to protect you, to posses you completely.

We are still one. You chased after other lovers, but I have been faithful. I have loved you and stayed true. Return to Me. All is forgiven.

Will you marry Me? Will you take My name? You've already made a covenant. We are married. Remember your vows. I have ruined you, and you won't ever be happy until you return. The light in your eyes and happiness in your spirit come from Me. I want forever. None of this to death do us part. I want forever.

I take everything - fear, shame , compromise, sin. If you want Me. I'm here. Waiting.

No more emptiness. The lovers you have been chasing will never fulfill you.

Turn around.

No more condemnation. You've repented. You're still My favorite one. I will bring restoration if you'll let me. You are the one I want.

Come home...

Don't look back. Fix your eyes on Me...

***

My only answer to all of this was "Yes".