So it's been a while, blogging sadly just hasn't been a priority lately. Frankly, I have been too busy restructuring my life as God tears down the walls I haphazardly build. I've decided it's human to try to build walls and set boundaries- and it's truly God to destroy all of those.
I wouldn't trade it for anything - Gosh, I only hope I can remember it all. My opinions, once again, on everything have changed. I've given up everything and yet nothing.
The voice rises from the depth
A still small whisper asking for everything
How could I deny, Some might think I'm crazy
But the voice, I must obey
My heart yearns for that whisper
The confirmation of love from My Beloved
I am a cherished bride, One of His esteemed
Where can I find my Beloved
I look not at the destruction surrounding
I look only for my Beloved, In His eyes I find peace
My security is in Him and Him alone
My protector, my confidant, my deliverer
Worthy of all my affection, He speaks - I tremble
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Majesty of War
A letter to my husband:
I can't wait until you wake up and I get to read you this thing from Francis Frangipane. I feel it's exactly what you need today. God has us in a season. It's a season to develop an everlasting love for Him. A deeper love than we have every experienced. A fire that can't be quenched. He has graciously bestowed this time on us, because He doesn't want us to miss it. Healing, ministry, church, raising Godly children, prayer - it's all good - but nothing compares to just pouring out and developing our love potential.
I'm still hung up on:
"The degree of power displayed in our lives is directly porportional to the degree that we have surrendered to the will of God and know the will of God."
How far am I away from surrendering? What won't I give up? It kinda is a scary thought. You never really know what you will do until the situation arises. I think I am pretty prepared to do the will of God until He asks that one thing I have been holding back unknowingly. It's a tricky business. But to love Him is to surrender to His love. I want to give Him everything. I just hope that I do.
I had a vision. My vision was I was looking at a painting, almost as an art analyst. The painting looked like an old George Washington Battle Scene. In the center was a white horse with a heavenly horde of angels and saints surrounding it. The painting was divided almost down the middle. On one side was darkness and on the other was light. The saints looked weary, but were gaining ground. They kept fighting even though their victories were sometimes centimeters. They knew that they would win. On the side lines, there was a bunch of newbies fresh out of bootcamp. Waiting for their turn, in this awesome battle.
There is an intense fire in this house. The battle lines are revealed. The rose colored glasses no longer hide the raging war between good and evil. Here in all it's blood and glory, the spiritual realm collides with earth. You know how we were talking about war being an awful thing. The vision I have in my head is anything but. It's actually one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. The Angels and Saints are pushing back the darkness. Tired and weary, they rise to the occasion every time because they know they are gaining ground. I want to be out there. I still feel like a new recruit. But the weary saints are in need of some back up. They have fought the good fight and now it is time for the younger generation to stand up. I've decided there is even beauty and majesty in war.
So much to learn, so little time. Luckily, it really comes down to love.
I can't wait until you wake up and I get to read you this thing from Francis Frangipane. I feel it's exactly what you need today. God has us in a season. It's a season to develop an everlasting love for Him. A deeper love than we have every experienced. A fire that can't be quenched. He has graciously bestowed this time on us, because He doesn't want us to miss it. Healing, ministry, church, raising Godly children, prayer - it's all good - but nothing compares to just pouring out and developing our love potential.
I'm still hung up on:
"The degree of power displayed in our lives is directly porportional to the degree that we have surrendered to the will of God and know the will of God."
How far am I away from surrendering? What won't I give up? It kinda is a scary thought. You never really know what you will do until the situation arises. I think I am pretty prepared to do the will of God until He asks that one thing I have been holding back unknowingly. It's a tricky business. But to love Him is to surrender to His love. I want to give Him everything. I just hope that I do.
I had a vision. My vision was I was looking at a painting, almost as an art analyst. The painting looked like an old George Washington Battle Scene. In the center was a white horse with a heavenly horde of angels and saints surrounding it. The painting was divided almost down the middle. On one side was darkness and on the other was light. The saints looked weary, but were gaining ground. They kept fighting even though their victories were sometimes centimeters. They knew that they would win. On the side lines, there was a bunch of newbies fresh out of bootcamp. Waiting for their turn, in this awesome battle.
There is an intense fire in this house. The battle lines are revealed. The rose colored glasses no longer hide the raging war between good and evil. Here in all it's blood and glory, the spiritual realm collides with earth. You know how we were talking about war being an awful thing. The vision I have in my head is anything but. It's actually one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. The Angels and Saints are pushing back the darkness. Tired and weary, they rise to the occasion every time because they know they are gaining ground. I want to be out there. I still feel like a new recruit. But the weary saints are in need of some back up. They have fought the good fight and now it is time for the younger generation to stand up. I've decided there is even beauty and majesty in war.
So much to learn, so little time. Luckily, it really comes down to love.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The drum beats close in...
My heart feels so many different emotions tonight. It's stirred up with a fire that starts in my bones and won't be shut out. It's also heavy with so much laid upon it. Part of it just wants to scream, cry out and sing at the top of my lungs. But I know, the sounds that come forth won't do the impression I have on my heart justice.
My heart pounds with a beat that resounds throughout my body. A call of war that cannot be shutdown or shutout. The beat sends mixed feelings through me. Feelings not unlike a brand new soldier's, fresh out of bootcamp, first day of combat.
Timing is running out. People get ready. Jesus is coming! This knowledge grows stronger everyday.
It's building... The fury... It's building... The passion... It's building... The Love.
The desire to know Him and be known by Him.... Consumes me.
I heard this quote today and I plan on learning to understand it more:
"The degree of power displayed in our lives is directly porportional to the degree that we have surrendered to the will of God and know the will of God."
I am also checking my heart for judgement. When I talk to people, I want it to be out of love. I have been reading Francis Frangipane's book Exposing the accuser of the brethren:
"That someone should discover the imperfections of their pastor or church is by no means a sign of spirituality. Indeed, we could find fault with the church before we were Christians. What we do with what we see, however, is the measure of Christlike maturity. Remember, when Jesus saw the condition of mankind, He 'emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond servant... He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.' Phil 2:7-8. He died to take away sins; He did not judge them."
It's a fine line between correcting and judging. Deliverance ministry and prophecy also cause many people to feel judged, and I need to be more sensitive. I am amazed at what God has taught me in the last couple of months. I feel so honored and blessed that I am getting this crash course. It has not been easy, but I needed the wake up call.
I just want to be on fire. To stand in His presence and burn - nothing else matters.
My heart pounds with a beat that resounds throughout my body. A call of war that cannot be shutdown or shutout. The beat sends mixed feelings through me. Feelings not unlike a brand new soldier's, fresh out of bootcamp, first day of combat.
Timing is running out. People get ready. Jesus is coming! This knowledge grows stronger everyday.
It's building... The fury... It's building... The passion... It's building... The Love.
The desire to know Him and be known by Him.... Consumes me.
I heard this quote today and I plan on learning to understand it more:
"The degree of power displayed in our lives is directly porportional to the degree that we have surrendered to the will of God and know the will of God."
I am also checking my heart for judgement. When I talk to people, I want it to be out of love. I have been reading Francis Frangipane's book Exposing the accuser of the brethren:
"That someone should discover the imperfections of their pastor or church is by no means a sign of spirituality. Indeed, we could find fault with the church before we were Christians. What we do with what we see, however, is the measure of Christlike maturity. Remember, when Jesus saw the condition of mankind, He 'emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond servant... He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.' Phil 2:7-8. He died to take away sins; He did not judge them."
It's a fine line between correcting and judging. Deliverance ministry and prophecy also cause many people to feel judged, and I need to be more sensitive. I am amazed at what God has taught me in the last couple of months. I feel so honored and blessed that I am getting this crash course. It has not been easy, but I needed the wake up call.
I just want to be on fire. To stand in His presence and burn - nothing else matters.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Getting the beat down - fiery fighting...
"I do not fight like a man beating the air." (Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:26)
Fighting is one of my strong suits - just ask my husband or any man on the other end of the fury (not anger- I specialize in calculated yet somewhat harsh take downs). So why am I so passive when it comes to my beliefs and knowledge of the Bible. The Bible says as clear as day that everything in the Bible relates to me (He is no respecter of persons. What He does for one person - He will do for another). Healing, deliverance, gifts and prophecy- all apply to me. So why haven't I claimed them?
I recently read a book which describes the Bible as being a living will and testament of Jesus. In order for a will to be valid, someone has to die. Because Jesus died, everything in the will (Bible) applies to me.
Lately, I have been pursing healing. Not completely on a personal level, but for several people around me who are in desperate need. I want to understand what it takes for God to heal someone completely. As I have studied and read my Bible, I have concluded it really is a faith issue.
Do you really believe everything the Bible says is true?
The average Christian lives a life of mediocrity and sadly, sickness because they don't claim the benefits of the will. I for one don't want to be one of those people. One of my greatest desires is to see God touch people. I want to see Him heal the sick, raise the dead and deliver people. The more I delve into this aspect of Him, the more fascinated I am by His glory. I have found that my faith is being built, and I am seeing miracles come about. Just last week, I laid hands on my husband and God healed him TWICE!!!! (Of two separate things).
I have started questioning why I behave the way I do. Why, when someone who is close to me says they are sick that I don't lay hands on them. Why I continue to see things in the natural despite knowing that God's Kingdom goes against everything the world says. I am coming to a point that I want to be done with those things. I refuse to just take people's sickness and eventual death as "Sigh, I wish there was something that can be done, but there just isn't." Either the Bible is true or it isn't. Salvation and Healing go hand in hand. Read the New Testament - it's all there. Over and over, He sent out His apostles to preach and heal.
Also, while I am on the subject. I need to stop cursing myself. My words are powerful. Whatever I say will come into being. I need to stop talking about cancer as if it is a death sentence - God has authority over everything. I will stop claiming sickness. I will start claiming healing. I am not going to even allude to the fact that I could possibly get sick from certain diseases in my personal daily conversations. I'm not going to give the devil a foot in the door anymore.
Mind you, this all is a fight. We wrestle not with flesh and blood, but principalities and darkness. This is the Year of War* for me, and I have to say - the Fight has just begun.
I encourage those who read my blog to not settle. If there is something wrong with your body, let the Creator fix it. He made provision for you in His will. Your medical bills are covered. I highly suggest you read these following books.
Recommended Reading:
-The Bible (I know it should go without saying, but healing comes through faith and faith comes from reading the Word. Faith is built through reading the Word until it permeates your being and causes faith to rise up that what is written is absolute truth)
-How to Heal the Sick by Charles and Francis Hunter
-They Shall Expel Demons by Derek Prince
*At the beginning of the year, I always ask the Lord what the word of the year is for me. This year instead of fun, fluffy words like hope, love or victory, He told me it was the Year of War. December it may be, but I am just now getting a feel for what it means to be in the trenches. I feel this entire year was boot camp for the now. The Fire is growing, the Fight has started - Are you ready?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Fight...
For a brief period of time as she sunk deeper into the cool, dark blue water, she entertained the thought of drowning. The water cradled her in her descent and comforted her broken mind. Finally able to feel a strange calm, she turned off her mind and floated calmly towards her end. Of course, she wasn’t thinking clearly, but being wrapped in a blanket of water had taken away her ability to reason. Was this not easier?
Then, it hit her- her oxygen was depleted. A pain in her lungs paralyzed her thoughts in a way the water couldn’t, but she knew her choice was now -finish it or fight. This was the point of no return. The deceptive waters held her even closer trying to make her decision one of ease, but her brain screamed, “WAKE UP, this isn’t you.” The fighter inside her arose. Thrashing about, she tried to escape the waters grasp. Stubborn, the water held on to it’s captive. She was losing the battle. Knowing this was her last moment, she used her precious last ounce of breath to cry out to her savior for help.
A supernatural peace came over her. Her thoughts were no longer muddled and strength flooded into her body that was not her own. She broke the surface of the dark and tumultuous water only to flip over on her back and bask in the light. The possessive water still lapped at her body- demanding it’s pound of flesh, but her thoughts were only on her savior and the light.
Her independence and complacency had gotten her here. Looking at the world through new eyes, that had to change. Her uprising out of the depths had placed her back in the arms of her first love-a place where the status quo was not acceptable.
Then, it hit her- her oxygen was depleted. A pain in her lungs paralyzed her thoughts in a way the water couldn’t, but she knew her choice was now -finish it or fight. This was the point of no return. The deceptive waters held her even closer trying to make her decision one of ease, but her brain screamed, “WAKE UP, this isn’t you.” The fighter inside her arose. Thrashing about, she tried to escape the waters grasp. Stubborn, the water held on to it’s captive. She was losing the battle. Knowing this was her last moment, she used her precious last ounce of breath to cry out to her savior for help.
A supernatural peace came over her. Her thoughts were no longer muddled and strength flooded into her body that was not her own. She broke the surface of the dark and tumultuous water only to flip over on her back and bask in the light. The possessive water still lapped at her body- demanding it’s pound of flesh, but her thoughts were only on her savior and the light.
Her independence and complacency had gotten her here. Looking at the world through new eyes, that had to change. Her uprising out of the depths had placed her back in the arms of her first love-a place where the status quo was not acceptable.
The Bride
Just the other day, I found myself wondering what the Bride as a whole – mind, body and spirit- looks like in God's and Jesus' eyes. I mean neither one of them are so shallow to be caught up in looks, but what makes her so special that she catches the eye of the Most High.
First, let me clarify whom I am talking about when I talk about the Bride of Christ and use the pronoun “she”. I am talking about the body of Christ as a whole – both men and women- who have dedicated themselves to serving and loving Christ. The Bible frequently refers to a pure and spotless bride. Just as sea captains refer to their boats as female, Jesus refers to the Body of Christ as his bride. He longs for them just as a bridegroom longs to be married to his beloved, and is ravished by their attentions towards Him (Read Song of Solomon). Here is what I wrote in my prayer journal - probably wrong but feel free to give me your thoughts:
"The Bride of Christ is not a meek-mannered girl dressed in all white. She's a warrior - a fierce creature -, trained in battle, and unafraid of anything because she is used to keeping up with her beloved (Not an easy feat considering that He is constantly on the move). Jesus looks fondly at her battle scars because they are proof of victory. He's not looking for a princess, but a girl who can hold her own. Yes, she has all the grace and power of a queen, but it's her strength and devotion that draws Him to her. She's dark but lovely. Her weakness is her strength. She is compassionate, loving, and kind. Steadfast, she wrestles not with flesh and blood."
Jesus never believed in hurting people, but He does believe in war. The bride understands the war is on the inside. The battle is for keeps. I find more often than not, I am not fighting against some dark powers that be, but my own will. Though I do not doubt the desire of the devil to watch me fail, I know my own flesh fights against me to help him.
The bride understands the Beatitudes. Read them until they get into your system – they will transform your life:
Mathew 5:3-11
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4
Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
5
Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
6
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
7
Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
8
Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
9
Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
10
Blessed are those who are persecuted
for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11“Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
First, let me clarify whom I am talking about when I talk about the Bride of Christ and use the pronoun “she”. I am talking about the body of Christ as a whole – both men and women- who have dedicated themselves to serving and loving Christ. The Bible frequently refers to a pure and spotless bride. Just as sea captains refer to their boats as female, Jesus refers to the Body of Christ as his bride. He longs for them just as a bridegroom longs to be married to his beloved, and is ravished by their attentions towards Him (Read Song of Solomon). Here is what I wrote in my prayer journal - probably wrong but feel free to give me your thoughts:
"The Bride of Christ is not a meek-mannered girl dressed in all white. She's a warrior - a fierce creature -, trained in battle, and unafraid of anything because she is used to keeping up with her beloved (Not an easy feat considering that He is constantly on the move). Jesus looks fondly at her battle scars because they are proof of victory. He's not looking for a princess, but a girl who can hold her own. Yes, she has all the grace and power of a queen, but it's her strength and devotion that draws Him to her. She's dark but lovely. Her weakness is her strength. She is compassionate, loving, and kind. Steadfast, she wrestles not with flesh and blood."
Jesus never believed in hurting people, but He does believe in war. The bride understands the war is on the inside. The battle is for keeps. I find more often than not, I am not fighting against some dark powers that be, but my own will. Though I do not doubt the desire of the devil to watch me fail, I know my own flesh fights against me to help him.
The bride understands the Beatitudes. Read them until they get into your system – they will transform your life:
Mathew 5:3-11
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4
Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
5
Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
6
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
7
Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
8
Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
9
Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
10
Blessed are those who are persecuted
for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11“Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
This is why I'm alive
I really like this song. I feel as long as He's with me I can survive anything.
Let’s survive this –Laura Hackett
Let’s survive this together
We’ve survived so much together already
But I want to live through this with you
Vs.2
This is why I’m alive
It’s moments like this I want together with you
Let’s just take tonight and breathe again
Chorus:
You feel pain tonight
You won’t always feel this way
You feel pain tonight
And it’s gonna be ok
It’s gonna be ok
(back to vs. 1)
Let’s survive this –Laura Hackett
Let’s survive this together
We’ve survived so much together already
But I want to live through this with you
Vs.2
This is why I’m alive
It’s moments like this I want together with you
Let’s just take tonight and breathe again
Chorus:
You feel pain tonight
You won’t always feel this way
You feel pain tonight
And it’s gonna be ok
It’s gonna be ok
(back to vs. 1)
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