Dog and Pony Show.

I long for words to pour out and my ability to dream and create to spring forth. I find myself writing more than I ever have in my life, and yet not writing at all. Seemingly gone, are the days that I am able to express my thoughts on a blank page. I find myself wondering if I have become a machine, and not a human with deep expressive thoughts. Or maybe all this writing has ruined the one thing I hold dear.

A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
Thomas Mann

If I have lost my passion for writing, then I feel I am a mere visage - nothing deep, just an outer shell of what I used to be. Not being able to write, makes me feel old and useless.

Don't get me wrong - I can write articles until they come out my ears but when it comes to my own individual free thought being transformed on a page, I am utterly deficient.

This has absolutely nothing to do with my blog but I laughed when I read it.

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.
Robert Heinlein

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Robert Benchley

It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them.
Isabel Colegate

Words

I wish I had the words to write... But that is just it - they are words. I guess desperate, needy, hopelessly and incandesently in love... Those words describe what is going through my head. I am desperate and if I am not - I pray that I soon will be. Nothing matters, everything is tainted without Him.

All my loves are secondary to this one...My heart was made to love Him. My heart craves that love. I cannot deny it.

Fear

My old adversary stood looking at me with a sickly grin on his face. He knew I was broken, weary and worldly. His eyes showed no compassion - only pleasure as he carefully planned his final blow. He had been after me for a while and we had fought many times.

This was no different. Sadly, I was no different.

He had robbed me of my dignity, my hopes and happiness... And I had let him. But no more. He thought he had won. He felt surely this time he could take me down.

But as always, I remembered what it was like to be free and victorious. What it was like to have a champion who fights all my battles for me. I quickly sought Him out and with remorse begged for Him to take me back. My champion had been waiting in the wings. Waiting for me to remember Him.

Song of Solomon 8

"Find me," He said. I heard it in the still of the night as clearly as if someone was in the room.

I sat up and looked around... and heard it again. My heart stirred and I knew what I was to do. I longed for Him, wanted Him, didn't feel compete without Him, yet had been too busy.

Once again I had allowed myself to get bogged down. I hadn't spent time with Him. I was in a sad state because the one thing that breathed life into me was pushed away --but no longer. Everything in me rebelled. No longer would I push Him away. My very bones cried out for Him just as He cried out for me.

So stupid because there is NOTHING more important to me than Him. Where had my priorities gone? Nothing more important then hearing His voice. How had I forgotten the very thing that I live for. How fickle I am.

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I will set you as a seal upon my heart,
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
Many waters can not quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart


All consuming fire your my hearts desire

There is nothing more that I want to do then be His. I want to waste my life for Him.

I will waste my life
I'll be tested and tried
With no regrets inside of me just to find i am at your feet
Let me find I'm your feet

I'll leave my father's house and
I'll leave my mother
I'll leave all I have known
and I'll have no other

For I am in Love with You
There is no cost
I am in Love with you
There is no loss
I am in love with you
I want to take your name
I am in love with you
I want to take your name
I am in love with you
I want to cling to you, Jesus
Just let me cling to you, Jesus

- Misty Edwards....

Bring on the Sun

What a beatiful day! This is my favorite time of year, when the weather flirts with summer. Lately, they haven't made the decision to go steady because of committment issues, but I am coaxing them to get back together.In the past they have had some problems, but I know the two are perfect for each other. I am suggesting couples therapy, and I am completely content to play matchmaker.

Days like this remind me of Elizabethtown when they talk about taking some time to dance alone with one hand held high.

Match Fire

Not sure why I feel like talking about this, buckle in for some gruesome analogies that make absolutely no sense.

I am sure if you know me this will be just another "Abigail" moment and you will walk off shaking your head. If you don't know me - well, I feel for you. You just wasted part of your life - reading the jumbled up thoughts of my brain.

I have in the past craved to be passionate about something - something/anything to be truly passionate over.

I have come to the conclusion that I am matchfire (compared to roaring flames or dying embers - lol) passionate about two things and bonfire passionate about one. Writing and people top out my list of burning candle-wick loves. While the raging inferno goes entirely to my Lord and Savior (okay, to be real - right now it is just a camp fire but in the past it has been a California wild fire, and it is not for lack of Him trying).

It is hard to feel anything right now except numb. Sometimes it seems, I am basically on autopilot. I never used to wish for days to go by, but now I find myself living for Thursdays - the last day of school for the week.

Phantom of the Opera soundtrack is raging through my brain as I remember what it was like to be passionate.

This week was amazing. God really took care of some things that were bothering me, and helped me turn some disasters into good. I am so grateful for everything He did.

There is not enough skipping in my life. And probably not enough "happy dances". Life is not worth living if there isn't any dancing going on.

I am excited though - because tomorrow is a new unwritten day and I have already penciled in at least one awkward dance moment.

Please turn red...

I have come to appreciate red lights. In this fast paced world, I find often find myself in need of a moment to gain my thoughts, listen to good music, sing at the top of my lungs - and that one minute of time does all that for me. I have a hard time scheduling "me time" because everytime I do it turns into "sleep time". Red lights take care of that...


Please turn red
Another light means another minute