Spell Check

About a year ago, I delved into the wonderful world of unlimited text messages. The details of how I survived before this are a little hazy and I am unsure that I really was able to function at full “communication capacity” before this. My mom has often said that I have a word quota that I have to get out every day, which would explain why at the end of the day I spend quite a bit of time talking and text messaging.

But my glorious new found freedom of communicating without actually talking comes with a great price. I am unable to send text messages without proper punctuation and will only shorten the word “you” to “u” if the 156 characters allotted per text message isn’t getting my point across.

In fact, to get a text message that says “Wats up wit u. 2nite im gonna zzz good,” sends me into complete meltdown. So I guess my question is - if a guy is going to hit on me via text message, knowing full well that I plan to make a living off my pen, why wouldn’t he put in the extra time to spell out “tonight”?

I wish I could say I have only had one guy try to win me over with bad grammar and shortened words, but that would be an understatement. I just don’t understand this phenomenon, which extends beyond text messages to emails, Facebook wall posts, and the occasional letter (Though I can almost understand people misspelling in letters because obviously they haven’t made a “Papercheck 008″, which handily corrects your penmanship as you write).

Just last week, one of my dear friends decided to tell me I was the girl of his dreams. Unfortunately, the only word in the whole entire text message that resembled something in Websters was the word “dreams”.

Yes, maybe I am being a hypocrite because obviously I fall short of being a whiz at spelling, and I did say there are only two things I am looking for. But nevertheless, I can’t help but feel words do matter, and while occasional misspelling happens it should not be the norm.

So I guess, you can add that to the list of things I am looking for - someone who can spell the word “you”.

Fair Warning

For those who are easily bored this might be the blog you want to skip - consider yourself warned. An explanation to my single status must be taken care of before I can get into the on-going tales of bad blind dates gone wrong, awesome pick-up lines and ex’s who just can’t take a hint.

I don’t date because….

I have never been one to date for the sake of dating. Yes, I have dated several guys and even become serious with a few. I wouldn’t trade what I learned from those relationships for anything, but I have to admit I see dating as rather pointless. I have watched my friends go from one relationship to the next leaving pieces of their heart along the relationship trail, and I can’t see the merit of “dating around”.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in marriage and getting to know someone before taking the plunge. But when you know the person isn’t right - why bother staying in a dead-end relationship.

* If at this point, if I still have readers and they happen to be wondering - No, I haven’t been in a extremely long relationship*

After dating several guys and having my heart broken at least once, I realized what I was looking for in a relationship. Looks, wealth, career goals and even height (because I am nearly six foot tall and dating shorter can be a challenge) really mean nothing to me. I honestly, just want two things…

What I am looking for:

1) Someone who loves God more than me and has a personal relationship with Him.
2) Someone who loves me a whole heck of a lot.

I don’t think people realize how rare a man my ideal is. I am not asking he be tall, dark and handsome - able to make lots of money and hold a conversation with French noble men. I just want him to fulfill those two requirements.

Staying single is hard because…

The reason dating can be a problem for me is most guys know my expectations and try to mimic what I want. Short-term it seems like it might work but long-term it never does. At this point I would rather be single, because I won’t and can’t settle for any less.

Another reason is because I tend to be outgoing, I constantly have the oddest awkward moments with the opposite sex. Many people, male and female, have mistaken my being nice for flirting and tried to ask me out.

In the future, my blog will probably consist of more of my thoughts on dating, crazy people who can’t take “no” for an answer and past “Abigail dating moments.”

Sheeple

When at a loss - make up a word.

Several years ago after following a crowd of rowdy teenagers off the legendary cliff mothers always warn their children about, my mom sat me down to have the “let’s be unique” conversation. She told me I should strive to not be a “sheeple” (As near as I can figure, she meant sheep are dumb and will follow each other about blindly.)

During this conversation, I guess I must have been listening (evidenced by the fact that I remember the exact word she said), and even decided to not live my life by anyone’s standards but my own. I have been mocked and criticized for my stance on dating and relationships, but then again, the stories that come from my approach to dating have been the amusement of many friends.

As a journalist, my life revolves around writing and the ability to make everything into a story. I have often said everything is a story - one just has to find the right angle. This is the reason, I have decided to blog about my lack of healthy relationships or really - relationships in general. I choose to remain single not because I am picky about looks, types or worldly possessions, but because I have one thing I am looking for and haven’t quite found it yet.

Unfortunately, friends, ex’s and family never seem to understand my happy single state, and thus the amusing stories begin…

Indiana...

So you like me...

A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.

- A concept that nobody ever seems to get. The only way to my heart is through Him because my life is not my own. I belong to Him, and any interested person has to have His approval and blessing. Pursing me will get them nowhere - because I don't make the decisions.

I liken it to a Dad giving His approval in the days when marriages were arranged. The dad was always the one to have the final say and I am sure the "suitor" did everything he could to prove his worth. I guess guys today struggle with this (well first off because none of them have a clue who He is) because it seems so outdated and old fashioned.

It doesn't take much to impress me - my approval means nothing. I am waiting for the go ahead. Anyone who wants me - needs to first get His approval. I am easy to convince after that.

It's painful to me because many have tried to prove their love and find God but their efforts have been for my sake. They haven't treated my God (Father) like he is a real person just an afterthought. They liked the idea of me, but weren't willing to commit. In my weak mindedness, I thought maybe I was imagining this. I fell for them, but found their relationship with the most important thing in my life to be non existent. I allowed it so it was my fault, but the deception hurt nontheless.

What I am looking for:
1) Someone who loves God more than me and has a personal relationship with Him.
2) Someone who loves me a whole heck of a lot.

I realize such a man is rare and I am just waiting for the one who understands. I won't and can't settle for any less because like I said - it isn't my decision.


-Abigail

The Hardest Part

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the clouds
Oh, and I,
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh, and I,
Oh, and I,
I wonder what it's all about
I wonder what it's all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah, that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part

-Coldplay

Rainbow

I was reading a friends blog about rainbows and God's promises at 5:30 this morning when the tears started.

Yesterday I went into work and saw this incredible rainbow!! I was completely taken back! I felt like the Lord was telling me that His truth and promises never fade. He IS faithful to what He says! I took that picture with my phone and looked it for a moment. When I looked up the rainbow had vanished! I felt saddened by this until I heard the Lord speak to me. Even though the 'symbol' of His promises are not always seen, I can still take Him at His word. That is why we believe! Especially when we can't see.

This past week, I have had to re-evaluate my life and the decisions I have made. I have been so upset with not measuring up that I have blocked people out and even just turned myself off. Facing the reality of who I was and how I couldn't fix it, has been to much. I love Jesus so much and know He loves me, but my frustration at who I am really was overwhelming. I keep forgetting He promises to fix me and that I would never be able to do it on my own. I just need to be willing.

I always seem to do this - I do so well but then I hit a mountain, close down for a while and then realize He can fix it. I really am just stupid at times.

Present:
I have messed up quite a bit the last couple of months.
There are issues in my life that I thought I dealt with that have come back to haunt me.
I can not curb these problems on my own. I have been living and giving into my flesh.
Some of these issues have steamed from things that have happened in my past.
Sometimes I shut down when the problems seem to massive.


What the facts are:
He's just waiting for me to repent and I have. His love covers everything.
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. Song of Solomon 8:6-7

If He caused the issues to be in my life in the first place - He can heal me.

Jesus crucified His flesh and can help me "die".
If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. Colossians 3:1-2

"Our feelings do not affect God's facts. They may blow up, like clouds, and cover the eternal things that we do most truly believe. We may not see the shining of the promises-but they still shine! [His strength] is not for one moment less because of our human weakness." -Amy Carmichael