Insanity

--> -->As insane as I sound through writing. I know that if I didn't write I WOULD be insane. It is one of the things that clears my system.

I typically don't write about unpleasant things but still it seems to soothe me. I hate being confused and somehow seeing something I created on paper makes all my thoughts flow together as they should. It is just as natural as talking to me. I have to talk and express myself. For after getting it out in the open -- it all finally makes sense. Or not....

Obviously(poor you) you caught me in a contemplative state. I am trying to sort out some things.. Unfortunately, hashing and rehashing never seems to create a different outcome.

Speechless

So this is one of those rare moments where I am speechless. I have so much to say and no words to say it. I just got back from Kansas City, Missouri. I have never had a better New Years. I don't want to go back to the person I was.

Kansas City is the home of the International House of Prayer and they hosted a conference called One Thing. People, do you realize that He actually loves you. Sure you hear it every Sunday in church but do you really KNOW it. Not only does He love you -- He is "in love" with you. Read Song of Solomen.... I'm telling you -- crazy stuff...

I am such a liability. I will only fail Him (and often) and yet He still loves me. Though I will no doubt break His heart (and He knows this), He still pursues me and is in love with me. He knows me (all my faults) and He still chooses me. I will never get that kind of love from any human being. What about this is a bum deal? I have never seen it as a "relationship" before. (The bridegroom) I have always looked at God as though He is a friend and not a lover.

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for him."

Isaiah 30:18

People get ready - JESUS IS COMING.....

Stupidity is...

Running into walls....

Lately, I have been "doped" up due to the fact that I just had my (ONE) wisdom tooth removed. Yes, Abigail on a normal day is loopy but get her on drugs....That is why I am not a drug addict, people... No one would "light up" with me for fear...

Last night the pain came back around 10 so I took some pain meds and went to bed.I woke up and had to go to the bathroom but I couldn't even walk in a straight line. I ended up walking head-on hard into the wall. Which makes an extremely loud sound at 1:00 in the morning. I had a faint bruise this morning which - thankfully is gone. Imagine trying to explain that one.

I remember most of the conversations I have had the last couple of days especially Tuesday but just in case... If it was uncharacteristically crazy- just ignore. Luckily (and unfortunately), I think I am way more truthful (not that I lie - I just volunteer more info than needed) when drugged. ~A